turn.the.lights.down.[Kai]

[Luthen]

The past was something that had never really played much on his mind; well, that was before his past had turned into a tragedy. Like some horror movie, his life had gone all wrong. And he would of done anything, sell his soul, make a pact with the devil, anything; just as long as his memories, his past, were erased. But memories are not easily erased, no matter how hard one tries. For it is not just your memory; you can count on that there are many others that also have that same memory, just in another view point. Luthen just had to deal with his past, and the way he dealt with it was not healthy in the very least; turning into the very creature that appeared in humans' fictions, a monster, a beast. But at that time he didn't care, no, he couldn't care. As long as his heart stayed cold, his memories kept distant; the unbearable pain would be lessened. Any memories that were made were not happy, just another blow to the tragedy that had become his life. And he knew that there would be no happy ending to his pathetic, useless life. But like a turn of a switch, his horror-like story had become a much more happy one. Maybe, just maybe, he would finally get some memories that he would be happy to relive, to reflect upon.

Loyalty was something dogs were famous for, but where do humans think their "best friend" got their loyalty from? It sure wasn't from humans; loyalty for them was often marked in dollar signs and nothing more. The dogs' loyalty came from their ancestor, the wolf, an animal who's loyalty was based on devotion and love. Was that why Luthen didn't want to part from the older boy? But just the simple fact that he was becoming "loyal" like some dog did not sit well with him. I don't know why.. But I just want to be with him, I just don't want to leave his side. He just couldn't figure it out, but that want for being close, it just wouldn't leave his thoughts, no matter how hard he tried to push it away. He followed obediently as he was led toward the couch, collapsing down next to Jarred. A small smile lighting his features as he felt the other's arm wrapped around his shoulders. There was no reason behind why he was trying to convince the older boy to let him stay with him. Maybe if he knew that I'd already lived my life.. Then maybe, maybe.. He shuttered inwardly as he realized where his train of thoughts had begun to lead his words. His death! Why the hell did he think to bring that up? Ugh, why did the words go in that direction, his thoughts groaned. This was yet another slip-up to be added to the growing list of slip-ups. How could he even face the other boy after starting to bring it up? Quickly he drew his gaze away from the other, refusing, or more likely, unable to look at him. I know you hate when I bring that stuff up.. I'm so sorry.. I-I just.. It was just a- his thoughts fumbled to come up with a reason, any reason, only to be interrupted by that gentle nudge. The boy let himself be coaxed into facing the older boy; "It's alright..." his tense thoughts dissipated and he began to relax once more. When had such few words ever comforted him so much? His eyes closed slightly as he felt the gentle brushing against his cheek. Eyes re-opening as the other's words began to wash against him; Re.. gret? Why would I regret being with you? he wanted to ask so much, but kept his mouth shut as Jarred continued. Noticing as the other's features flushed crimson; the boy followed the other's gaze and stared at the navy-toned couch. H-huh? he lifted his gaze to look upon the other's face; his golden eyes wavering slightly. His gaze lowering once more as he felt his hand covered by the older boy's; H-he wants me to.. To stay. Happiness over whelmed him and left him speechless for a few moments. But after a quiet exhale of the breath he had unawarely been holding; the words finally seemed to come. "Of course I'll stay," he said softly, resting his head against the older boy. "I won't regret anything.. As long as I can be with you, as long as you love me.. There will be nothing to regret." He smiled and pressed himself closer to the older boy; enjoying the other's touch.

[Hehe, Luth is just so adorable <33 -pats- Its okay, and I liked your post; I love how J keeps contradicting himself XD]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

He had never worried about how he acted, about who he was. He'd never tried to be anything better or different than what he already was; there had never been any need to change, he had always seen himself above everyone else. Everyone was inferior in his eyes; if they didn't like how he went about his life, fine. He'd make them accept. It was all the unimportant people, which ultimately seemed to boil down to everyone but himself, that needed to change. He was the only one that had things right in his mind, it was all the people around him that needed to quit their whining and caring and pity and compassion. Where did they think those things would get them, anyway? Weaknesses were an irritant, an overwhelmingly annoying buzz in his ear that drove him further and further from the empathetic side of the spectrum. It was only the ones who got it right, only the ones that saw life like him, that deserved a shot at living as far as he was concerned. A kind introduction would be met with malice, and attempts to reach out to him could turn fatal. It was like they were trying to change him, but he didn't want to be changed. He would never be like them. Or so he thought. One person had changed everything, had torn him away from everything he'd fallen into and made him what he'd always sworn he'd never be. He was so afraid to do anything wrong, so afraid that he'd hurt Luthen in any way and that the boy would start to see him differently. He couldn't imagine how the younger boy would choose to stay with him, how he of all people could get so lucky. What bothered him was the idea of that luck running dry.

Why was he even hesitating? Every fiber of his being had been screaming for him to do anything it took to make Luthen stay, sell his soul, beg on his hands and knees, anything, from the first instant the younger boy had so abruptly entered his life. His palms went clammy and his stomach seemed to drop when he even thought about the other boy leaving, of going off and leaving him to drown for even a small amount of time. All those years of stepping back from everyone, now all he wanted was to be closer. What.. what if I do something wrong? As hard as he tried, no matter how many times the other boy assured him, he couldn't quite shake the fear of something happening, whether it was on his part or someone else's. But he wants to stay here. He wants to be with me.. The thought alone was able to dim his qualms, push them to the back of his mind as he felt the familiar warmth that always enveloped him when a small smile lit upon the younger boy's features. But as comforting as the other's soft features were, Luthen's unfinished words sent a cold chill through him. Hearing it seemed to make it more real, as if before it was like any of his other worries; somehow illusory, although he knew they could become a reality. He didn't know how so few words could tear him apart like they did, could threaten to break him down so quickly. God, I'm such a wuss.. But worse than feeling how he did would be to let the younger boy feel remorseful or guilty for saying anything about it at all. So he somehow made himself swallow the bitter worry at the back of his throat, fight the reflex to let the wince he felt rising reach the surface. He couldn't be a victim; he had to be there for the younger boy he loved more than life itself. He'd hold onto it, guilt himself about it.. I'd kill myself if I did that to him. He managed a quiet smile, a silent exhale leaving his curved lips as he found it easier by the second to forget the fear swarming his mind under the warmth radiating from the other as he drew closer, heavy lids nearly falling over blue eyes as he breathed in slowly, loving the smell of rain and soap and pine on the younger boy. It took all his effort to pull himself away, his heart racing as the other's molten gold gaze found his own, the smile across his features widening softly only to waver as his quiet voice floated across the room. Please, don't disappear. Don't make me miss you. He focused more intently on the stitching of the couch, his breath faltering before catching and his hand squeezing the boy's as the clock ticked off silent seconds. I-I said it all wrong, didn't I? I'm so sorry, Luth.. please please say you'll st- His increasingly anxious thoughts were stilled as the boy's soft voice cut through the murk, a quivering breath escaping him as he brought his hand from Luthen's to wrap across the boy's stomach. Leaning his head against the other's, he tried to remind himself to breathe as the younger boy shifted closer. T-thanks, Luth.. I don't think I'd last too long without you.. His hand fondly following the rise of the other's hip, cut and calloused fingers dancing along the boy's side just underneath the dark fabric of the younger boy's shirt, as if he were holding onto something fragile. I will always love you, no matter what.. I'd never need anything more if you could always be with me. He turned slightly, dipping his head to place a warm kiss against the edge of the other's mouth. I know I'm not the greatest person.. t-thank you, more than anything, for, well.. choosing me, he said quietly, his dulling flush lighting up again as the hand against the other's shoulder tightened subtly.

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: Dawwz Luth! I'm so stealing you! Just when he reaches maximum cuteness, he adds on and gets cuter <33 Hehe. Thanks kai ^^ -huggles- Lol J doesn't make any sense even to himself any more XD Bliiinded by loooove! Rofl.
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

He had always controlled how he acted and what he said when around others. Though he remanded honest and truthful.. To and extent that is. There was never any slip-ups, never any things that the devoto would rather have not said. But then the older boy came into the picture. After he had sworn to never tell a soul of his past, he had let almost everything spill out; what was he thinking? And on top of that a few other things had been said that he would of much, much, preferred to stay unsaid. But those didn't come until later; when his armored shield and perfect facade where cracked and torn down. Nothing had prepared him for what was going to happen, and Luthen would of never of believed he could let something like "I love you" slip from his mouth. But of course, there had never been a person that had made him feel this way. And now he had just chosen to stay with that person. But it hadn't really sunk in exactly where his confident words had placed him. He was giving up the gang, no, he was throwing them away. Was this just another slip-up that he didn't even know he had done?

He had hated himself for almost bringing up the dreaded 'D' word; why did he almost let it slip out? He knew the other hated it and yet.. And yet.. That gentle nudge was enough to drag him out of those thoughts and along with the older boy's short phrase, he was able to relax. That simple gesture took him back to the days when he still lived with the pack. Words were never always needed in a wolf pack and a nudge was one of the simplest things they used to communicate. The devoto could hardly stop his heart from bursting when the other boy asked him to stay; of course he'd stay, that was what he had wanted. But as he shifted closer to Jarred, his thoughts began to turn and slowly it began to sink in. Luthen knew that he had already chosen the older boy over the gang, but now.. Now it seemed so final, like being write in stone. He had given up the gang. I-I wonder.. What Saxon will think? A flicker of unsureness entered his golden eyes; Am I wrong.. To do this? His cheeks burned lightly as the older boy's arm wrapped across him and as the other's words echoed in his head, he knew he'd made the right choice. There had never been a person that had made him feel like this, and there probably never would be anyone else. Jarred was his life now and he would do nothing to change that. "I will always love you," the words repeated in his mind, as if he couldn't believe it. There was someone who would.. would always love him. It was a welcomed surprise. His blushed deepened a shade as the older boy kissed him; security washing over him along with the older boy's last sentence. "To me, you are the greatest person.." he said softly, noticing the other's reddened features. "And there was no other choice besides you.. You're my life, my reason to live." His cheeks continued to flush crimson as he spoke the absolute truth; Jarred was the only thing he had, the only reason why he should still be alive. He let his eyes close as the warmth over came him; his head resting lightly against the other. "Thank you for loving me.." he whispered softly. How ever unbelievable this all was for the other; it was doubled in Luthen. He had never thought he would ever care about anyone ever again, but he knew that there would be no one that would ever care for him. Yet, this had all happened.. "I'm the one who should be thanking you for choosing me.. he re-opened his eyes slowly and titled his head slightly so that his golden gaze locked with the older boy's icy blue gaze. You could of chosen him.. And yet, you chose me..

[Hehe, I wanna steal him too. Maybe we could share him XD Gah, this sucks. I'm really sorry, my Luth muse died on me T-T]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

He was the kind of person that people loved to hate. He was the scapegoat, the one people could pin a lay-off or a divorce or just a flat drink on with no second thoughts; he wasn't likable in any apparent way, and who wants to realize it was nobody but their own self that should've been held responsible? He didn't care what anyone thought of him, and at least they would mostly leave him alone. Every once and a while, a stranger would decide their problems were somehow his fault and confront him, albeit usually drunkenly, with a heavy fist and a flurry of choice words. Maybe a different person would be offended or irritated, but he never was. It was all just sport to him. He loathed those who were so weak they would only hate him silently, and laughed at the ones who thought they could even make a mark on him. Hated and isolated, just as quick to judge as everyone around him. That was how it was supposed to be, he'd always thought. But here was Luthen, someone who conveyed that he didn't hate him. Someone who had looked like all the other condescending people at first glance, but when he'd looked deeper had found a hold on him he didn't dare break. For once he cared what was thought of him. He was surrounded by words and feelings he'd never understood, never wanted to understand, and now he never wanted to go back. Like a dog on a leash; always so eager to do whatever it might take to make that one person happy, with the sole desire that they might stay that much longer.

He'd never felt so uncomfortable in silence as he did in the few moments after his request had left his mouth. There was no wavering, nothing to go back to and have second thoughts about. There wasn't any moments of doubt about whether he'd meant to say what he did, only if he'd said it wrong or too soon. He couldn't think of anything he wanted more than to have Luthen stay at the manor. With him. His stomach felt like a deadweight, and he could feel the palms of his hands growing clammy at the idea of 'no' being the younger boy's answer. Where could he even go from there? He could beg, plead on his hands and knees for the other to stay, but he couldn't, wouldn't, make the boy stay. He'd always been so pridefully aware of how strong he was, how nothing could ever get to him, but he knew he wouldn't be able to watch Luthen walk away. His breath caught in his throat as the younger boy's voice rescued him, his hands shaking subtly with relief. He could hear his own voice, his face still reddening at the sincerity and absolute truthfulness of his words. He wants to stay.. The single thought replayed in his head, a warm smile crossing his features as what had just been decided began to sink in. He gave up the gang.. for me.. He understood how torn the younger boy had been between him and Luthen's duty, the boy's loyalty, to the gang. His heart felt like it would hammer through his chest as his lips touched the edge of the other's mouth, his head swimming as he fondly squeezed Luthen's shoulder. The younger boy's soft voice wrapped around him, the other's words engulfing him in a feeling of warmth that ran through him like electricity. The hand at the younger boy's side recoiled slowly, moving to trace along the other's forearm gently. His heavy-lidded gaze followed his fingers as he felt the boy's head fall warmly against his shoulder before he let his eyes close and rested his cheek against the side of Luthen's head, the other's soft hair dusting the side of his face. You'll always have me, he murmured, the younger boy's quiet breaths warm against his skin. He paused, a small chucke rising in his throat. It's nice to have a fan, he joked lightly, his voice just above a whisper. He let a breath out slowly, focusing on the faint beat of the younger boy's heart beat thrumming against his fingertips before the other's soft voice caught him off-guard. He slowly opened his eyes, turning to face Luthen as the pressure left his shoulder. There was the familiar rush of heat as the other boy's molten gold gaze caught and held his own, the way the other looked at him with so much affection. He swallowed, blinking as his icy gaze flitted to a small box, held together by a reddish piece of ribbon, on the cluttered shelves opposite the couch. "Happy birthday, Leiv". He could remember how he'd searched for the small necklace inside, only to never actually give it to the young prince. He chewed at his bottom lip, ignoring the metallic taste still lingering over the cut as he brought his gaze back to the younger boy's. It wasn't a choice. You're the only one. I just didn't know until you showed up. He gave the boy a small smile, running a hand across the side of Luthen's face. He never loved me anyway..

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: Woo no more gloves! x3 Omg the lateness of this hurts me, I'm sooo sorry! Lol this is all over the place, I'm a bit rusty. And Luthen's not like a backup or anything, Jarred loves Luth to pieces <333 It just all happened so fast and he'd been hung up on Leiv for so long it's taking a while to get out of his system rofl. Do not worry, Luth! :3
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

He was always the one sitting off, away from the crowds, or more likely, the crowds were avoiding him. The devoto didn't have to say or do anything, people just generally left him alone; its as if others could just tell by looking at him; he was dark, evil, and a killer. And yes, in the past few years he had become all those things, and perhaps, more. He didn't even bother to go about changing his view; for what reason was there to? He didn't have anyone that cared for him, nor did he care about anyone. Sure there was the pack, but he didn't care about then like he had his first pack. But this was the only thing that made him useful; not that he needed to be useful. All he was suppose to do was go on living, and doing things that would make himself suffer. Sounds like a great life, huh? But with the gang, the darker others thought of him, the better off he was; not that he had to try an be dark. He was that by nature, which was made more prudent by the fact that he hated to be in his human form for long. Always slipping away to change back into his wolf form whenever possible. He began to smile at the fact that people would go out of their way just to avoid him, even a few members of the gang. But if one came back covered in another blood (even if it was just a deer's blood) that would defiantly put one on edge. Luthen would of eventually embraced this way of life, slowly forgetting what it was like to be "normal." But that all began to change when he ran into Jarred; slowly he started to wonder why he had to be dark. Why he had to live is miserly? Even his human form was starting not to seem so bad... But then it would all hit, and he was thrown back into his old way of thinking, only to be brought back by the older boy.

He had given up the gang, agreed to stay with the older boy, and now, there was no going back. At first, he was unsure he had actually chosen right, but as more minutes passed, Luthen knew he made the right choice. For once he had followed his heart, whether it would lead in to heartbreak, that was another story, but at least he was willing to give it a try. Don't hate me.. For choosing this, he thought, thinking of his old pack. The reason he was alive was for punishment, and yet he had chosen something that would be considered a reward. If he had been sense-able, the boy would of chosen to leave; to turn away and never meet the older boy again. He should of done that the minutes things had started to change, the minute he started to have feeling for the other. Why did he even let it get so far? Let the other get such a hold on him? These restless thoughts slowly faded away as he rested his head against the other boy's shoulder. His eyes opening slightly to watch the other's fingers lightly trace his forearm; a small smile appearing on his features. He let his eyes close again as Jarred's head rested against his; he could stay like this forever. The devoto was indeed grateful that the older boy loved him, and he voiced it softy as he began to drift closer to the edge of sleep. Though Jarred's words brought him back consciousness, and he smiled at the joke, slowly beginning to open his eyes. As he spoke again, he lifted his head slightly to catch the other's icy gaze; he loved looking in those icy depths, they were so different and well, beautiful. A questioning look entered his eyes as he noticed the other's gaze shifted slightly; he turned and wished he hadn't. It was a small gift, tied together with ribbon; even without asking, he could sense who it was for. Uneasiness washed over him as he turned away from the gift, avoiding the other's gaze. I know that look.. he thought sadly, lowering his eyes to look at his hands. As Jarred's words washed over them, they took on a different meaning then what the owner had intended. The hand felt cold as it brushed against his face; it took all his willpower not to recoil from the touch. Yeah right, he thought bitterly. That doesn't even make sense, "You're the only one. I just didn't know until you showed up." How could he even say that after looking at that, that gift! It was obvious that the older boy still cared about Liev, and that the devoto was just... Just what? Slowly he pulled his legs up and hugged them to his chest; wrapping his arms tightly around them. He continued to avoid eye-contact with the older boy as he rested his chin on his knees; his brows furrowing slightly as different thoughts came to him. Some things just didn't make sense; how could Jarred come to love him so suddenly, after he was so die-hard in love with the prince? Maybe I'm just a substitute... Luthen's eyes widened at that thought. Was, was that all he was? It couldn't be, could it? "Am I just your toy, because you didn't get him?" his voice was hollow as he asked the question. His body started to become numb as the possibility of it settled on him; that would explain so much. For who in their right mind could ever love him? It was impossible, as he was now finding out, and yet, he knew it all along. He was never meant to be loved, and this heartbreak was just another punishment to him. "That's all I was, wasn't it? Just your play thing," vile slipped through his words as he spoke, but it was only there to cover up his heartbreak. Cold slowly began to replace the numbness as he buried his head against his knees; This pain is worse then dieing, he thought, closing his eyes tightly to hold back the tears.

[Yay, no gloves xD And umm, yeah... Lets just say I had alot of pent up Luth-muse ^^;; I feel so bad for Luthen, he took everything so wrong, and now Jarred has to do major damage control. And your post was fine ^^]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

He had always been different, set apart from his own kind. Everyone had always said he was unique, not quite up to the par of the species, considering his evolved methods and undisciplined manner of living and surviving. He'd resented the skeptics, everyone around him that looked at him sideways like he was the monster and they were just bystanders. He'd never wanted to be normal, and his resentment to conform was very likely the reason for his isolation. For his expulsion from everything he knew. He had always thought it was his punishment for being who he was, more tainted by his wrongdoings somehow, but he was neither bitter nor miserable about the idea. Pain didn't matter, he'd already endured all he needed to become numb, and humility or self-blame were never virtues he cared to acquire too deeply. It was simply a statement. He was his own bad luck charm, finding himself drifting from one disastrous situation to another. Or so he'd been convinced. After all, his first encounter with the dark-haired devoto didn't look like it would turn into much more than another black mark on his lightless record and a few new scars that would disappear like all the others with time. But it had turned into so much more; the best thing he'd ever known had only happened because he'd stepped up, accepted a challenge of hate that brought him someone to love.

Happiness. Pure, untainted euphoria. He had never expected to find himself wrapped so tightly in the one emotion he knew that, above all else, he couldn't possibly deserve. But here he sat, all his bitterness and his ill-conceivings washed away by the one person that mattered. The only one that had stayed long enough for him to try, that had looked underneath the exterior instead of judging the book by it's cover. A long breath slowly stole from him and the small smile across his features widened subtly as he allowed the younger boy's answer to continue looping through his mind, his pale gaze sliding to the dark-haired boy beside him as if to make sure Luthen was actually there. That he wasn't working against himself, using his own abilities to procure the three-letter word he would sell his life away to hear. But there was the warmth of the other's head against him, Luthen's quiet voice finding him in the silent room, reassuring him that this wasn't just a sham. His fingertips tingled against the younger boy's fair skin like roughened live wires, sending trills up his own arm as his half-opened eyes trailed after them absorbedly. Relief was only a slender fragment of what he felt as he let himself sink further against the couch, the late hour and the reality of all that had occurred in a single day beginning to creep up on him slowly as tiredness subtly started to steal across him. He knew the warmth that rose in his face and the way his heartbeat hammered riotously as he turned to find the younger boy's mesmerizingly golden gaze upon him would never subside, that no matter how many times he would meet Luthen's eyes, he would never get over how unique and stunning they truly were. He wanted to tell the younger boy just that, wanted the other to know just how every little thing could mean so much to him, but the words never quite made it out. They stuck in his throat, a flush of red and a distorted sort of shyness he didn't understand standing where his voice should have been. It wasn't love, he mused, his gaze turning to the small package. I didn't feel like this at all.. He hadn't. He was beginning to realize, if slowly, that although he didn't know what it'd been, it couldn't have been love. But Luthen.. He didn't notice the change that had come over the other boy as he dismissed the un-given gift, trying to make his words make sense, to get what he meant across. His brow quirked concernedly as Luthen seemed to draw himself inward. He's hurt? Anxiety spiked in him at the image of the younger boy's numerous injuries, his mind making a connection between the boy's change and the idea of Luthen's physical pain. His mouth opened to speak, but the younger boy's empty voice cut through him like a blade. His brow knitted deeply, confusion flashing across his features as he tried to grasp the words thrown his way. Just my.. Luth, what- His mind seemed to suddenly click, and he felt his chest tighten painfully. Oh God.. He sucked in a breath, his eyes widening as the boy's tone turned caustic and his stomach turning nauseously at the other's last few words. His mouth opened and closed as he shook his head fervently, desperately trying to squeeze the words past his closed throat. N-no! You were never..! He didn't know whether to reach out or keep his distance. I don't feel like that. I mean, I never did. He was just.. he stood unsurely, raking his hands through his rain-tangled hair and moving to sit at the edge of the table, facing the younger boy with his knitted hands hanging between his knees. It was all just something stupid. He glanced uncertainly at the younger boy, his hand tentatively extending to touch Luthen's arm. I was close to him. But I didn't.. I love you, Luth. Why would I do something like that to you?

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: Shoop for Luth-muse! :3 Aww, I feel so bad for him too! -hugs- Poor bby, he's such a sweetheart for putting up with all J's stupidness x3 Jarred sucks at apologies lol. Damage control, commence! Ahaha! Wowz, this got kinda longer than I'd thought xD And I totally loved your post, it was awesomeness <33
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

Love and kindness open a heart, while tragedy and pain close it. The devoto was one of the few that had experienced both; both had come from his old pack. They had loved him since they found him, a lost and alone pup, just a few hours old. And their deaths had brought about a pain so great, so unbearable, that the only way to end it was to kill his heart. His heart didn't just close, it died, not in seconds, but over the course of years. Before a heart can close, and in the end, die, one must suffer, and suffer Luthen did. He was ready to end it all, suicide was thought of everyday, anything that would stop the pain. If he could, he would of asked someone, anyone to rip his heart out, so he could no longer feel. In a sense, he got his wish. Soon, numbness replaced the pain; then it was a chilling coldness, and finally, it closed up and died. And what was left? A heartless monster. He had become the perfect beast, the perfect servant, and the perfect killer. And when he had run into the manor bodyguard, he had the perfect hate. Being with the gang had influenced who and what he hated, and anything, especially hate, is multiplied in one that lacks a heart. But during the blood spill, something entered his heart, a small feeling that eventually grew into something wonderful. Love can do wonders on a heart; it can heal the broken, and revive the dead. But love can be tricky, for it can break as many hearts as is mends.

Everything seemed to click when his eyes rested on that unopened gift, and they all clicked in the wrong direction. Why didn't he realize this earlier? Jarred was obviously still in love with Liev, and he was just the substituted. Just the god damned substitute! It didn't hurt that he was used, it hurt that he had fallen for it all. Luthen had fallen for the older boy, and he let himself get drawn in, let himself believe that someone cared about him, loved him. There was no one that could ever love him again; he should of known that! He was left alive to suffer, and being loved was not suffering. But this, right now, this was suffering, something the devoto needed. He needed to suffer, to feel heart-breaking pain. As the numbness over came him, everything inside started to shut down; either from shock, or pain. Or perhaps, from both. The words he spoke were empty and lifeless; just like how he felt. As the older boy sputtered out words, his arms tightened around his knees; yet he still refused to look at the other. The next thing he spoke were laced with hatred and drenched in poison; it was the only thing that could cover up his breaking heart. I deserve this pain, but.. But, this just hurts so much! He bit his bottom lip, and hid his face against his knees; unable to look at Jarred. Maybe if he looked over and saw how much his words affected the other boy, he would of realized how foolish his words had been. But he was hurt, and he just wanted to fade away. Slowly he pulled himself inward, throwing up the walls that had surrounded his heart; only to have them cave in as the older boy's words hit him. Just drop it already! Leave me alone to die! his thoughts cried out. As if the other had heard his thoughts, he stood, leaving Luthen alone on the couch. Leaving the boy alone to drown in his pain. He didn't bother to listen to where the older boy had gone, all that registered was that he was alone. I can't believe I was so blind. I-I trusted him.. I loved him, and.. And he said he loved me! His heart broke at that; he could no longer hold back the tears that were fighting to slip out. Luthen didn't hear the other boy sit across from him on the table, for he was too busy tearing apart his heart. What use was the damn thing anyway? His heart only brought him pain, nothing more. "It was all just something stupid." he heard Jarred say; confusing the boy even more. What was stupid? Playing him for the fool? Or was he sorry that he had used Luthen? Instinctively, the devoto lifted his head at the gentle touch on his arm; immediately, he cursed his instincts. His eyes locked with the other's, and tears began to overflow, slowly slipping down his cheeks. The older boy's words finally sinking in; yet they only brought more confusion to the poor boy. "I.. I don't know.." he said slowly, his voice hollow and broken. He bit his bottom lip again, unsureness flickering in his golden eyes; I want to believe him, but.. But what if he's just playing me? The thought was unexpected, and crushing; he bit down hard, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth. The blood didn't taste so well, but the pain that it brought was wonderful; this pain was so much better then the pain that attacked his heart. Forgetting that the other boy sat across from him; Luthen unwrapped an arm and held his wrist near his face. He turned his wrist over a few times, seeing where the veins were, then, reassured that he knew were everything was placed, he bit down on his wrist. Blood welled up where his fangs sunk into his skin, sending sparks of pain to his brain. The pain wasn't enough, he needed more. Luthen bit down harder, sending his fangs deeper into his skin; this time pain exploded in his head, forcing him to let go of his wrist. "That's better," he mumbled, watching as blood continued to flow from the wound he had created. He didn't bother to even tend to the injury; it wasn't life threatening, he had made sure of that. But he wanted to milk this pain for as long as he could, for his bloody wrist distracted him from his wounded heart. "Do you really love me?" he asked quietly, looking over to the older boy. Luthen didn't look like something that deserved love; blood splattered slightly across his face, and still dripping from his fangs; not to mention his bleeding wrist. I really am just a beast, he thought, just realizing what his little stunt might of looked like to the other boy.

[Wow, this got rather, umm... violent xD I think Luth needs to find a better outlet for his pain. And now I feel bad for Jarred, he's going to have to watch Luthen hurt himself. I liked you're post, J tried so hard to get Luthen to understand.]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

Ask him anything there was to know, anything, about methods of murder or how to swing a fight and he could easily prove that he knew all there was to know and more. He was an expert on warfare, modern and historical alike. He could read an opponent's next move, their next sequence of moves, by the way they held themselves and the subtle signs no one else knew how to look for alone. He knew which points he could hit that would render his target paralyzed and he knew which ones would kill them on contact. And he would willingly set back in place anyone who doubted him. There were no surprises, not often at least, and there was practically no guessing and very few mistakes made on his part. He knew what to do and what to expect almost every time. But then he'd been cast into something he had neither dealt with nor understood. For the first time, he had begun to love and was loved back. There was no guidelines to follow now, no prior knowledge to fall back on. He was lost, but he had gotten himself so willingly. Nothing he'd ever known could compare to the feeling of being wanted, being accepted and cherished, so fully by someone. So instead of turning back, instead of treading into traveled waters, he gave everything he had to keep moving forward, to give back what the younger boy had given him. But as hard as he fought, it was beginning to seem that for every three steps forward, he took two steps back. No matter how hard he strived to be perfect, to be everything and more for Luthen, he would end up hurting to person he loved.

He'd never stopped long enough to consider what exactly it was that had arisen between himself and Leiv. He'd always jumped to conclusions, taking what he was only now realizing were shallow emotions and calling it love. He was protective, maybe overly, but that had been his job. He had been close with the small prince, but nowhere near in the same way as he was with Luthen. He had cared for the boy, but he'd never have thought to do anything in his power, whatever it would take, to spend just one more minute with Leiv. The only person that had completely enraptured him, the only person that could turn him completely around, show him new sides of things he'd never known existed and the only one he'd let see past all the damage was the younger boy beside him. He didn't want anything other than what he'd found in the dark-haired boy, a million things that devoted him even further to the other with every minute that passed and made everything else fade away and fall like ash. Luthen was the only thing he saw. He should've told the younger boy, instead of averting his gaze to the one reminder of something he was beginning to wish he'd forgotten. His heart felt like lead in his chest, weighing so heavily it almost hurt to breathe as the other boy's faint, desolate voice crashed against him. He wanted to take it all back, to rewind and undo what had so stupidly been done. God, I'm sorry.. I'm so, so sorry.. His words sounded foreign and void as he listened to his own voice try to explain everything. The change in Luthen's tone was piercing, and he didn't even try to hide the small wince inward as he swallowed with difficulty. Suddenly it hit him like a brick wall; what if this was the end of it? I-I've managed to hurt him so much already, and he's stayed with me despite how many times I've screwed him over. But this.. he felt lightheaded, He thinks I'm just playing with him. He thinks it was all lies. He didn't want to admit that in Luthen's place, if he thought it had all been just a game, he would have left the other standing in the threshold and never turned back. Oh fuck. He nearly jumped away from the couch, feeling like he could just almost get enough air with each breath before perching lightly on the edge of the coffee table, his icy gaze lingering over Luthen as his fingers brushed the younger boy's soft skin uncertainly. He hadn't expected the other to move, hadn't expected to have the younger boy's golden gaze lock with his like it did. He thought he could feel his heart fragment as the other's soft eyes welled up, hot tears carving down the sides of the boy's face as Luthen's broken reply filtered slowly through him. I wouldn't, I couldn't even think about doing that to you, Luth, his voice dropped off, returning as little more than a whisper, P-please, don't cry.. He wanted to reach out, but hesitance kept him where he was. He sunk his head against his hands, exhaling as slowly as he could. His brow furrowed as the almost inaudible sound of dull tearing reached him, his stomach binding as his gaze shot upward, icy eyes widening at the scarlet scene before him. He felt like it was him being bitten into, rendered into a million pieces as he sat helplessly watching the boy he loved tear himself apart. What're you-?! The words flew from his mouth tightly as Luthen drew back, and he tried to swallow the dry ache rising in his throat. Why- are.. are you alright? his tone was wrought with concern as he scanned the boy's injury, lifting his gaze at the other's quiet question as the anguish in his blue eyes subsided to be replaced with a tentative adoration. I really do, his voice was low and sincere as he tugged his shirt over his head in a single motion, biting his lip and surveying the deep punctures dripping a steady flow of crimson down Luthen's arm and onto the couch and the boy's jeans. This is all my fault.. Leaning forward hesitantly, he wrapped the clothing carefully around the younger boy's arm, holding the staining fabric against the flow with a gentle hand. I love you so much, Luth, a thumb skimmed across the other's bottom lip, clearing away the smatters of scarlet clinging there. What can I do to show you? Anything. Just tell me what I need to do.

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: Violence ftw! x3 omg :c poor Luth! I feel so bad for the poor boy! Forget J, I'll never make you cryy <33! Lol this has got to be the second time Jarred's actually not proud of causing injury XD He'll deal, he's a big boy and it's his fault in the first place rofl. LUTHEN IM SRY BBY D:
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

He had always been good at reading others, well, other wolves. With just one look he could see from another's stance if he lied or not. Or what the other's next move would be, and in seconds take that knowledge to his advantage. But this ability became useless when Reku came along, for he wasn't even a true wolf. That was one of the reasons why Luthen suffered so much anguish when his old pack was murdered; because he didn't even see it coming. Humans are one of the hardest animals to read; they can fake everything; hid their intentions and shield away their darker parts. Sometimes, this can come in handy, or at least the devoto thought that. He had that perfect facade that hid away the pain that he always endured. But for however useful this is, it doesn't hide the fact that he could never tell what was going on in the mind of another human. Sure, some things were easy to tell, but most were hard, if not imposable to decipher. Which is why he watched the gang from afar for so long; seeing how each member acted and weather they could be trusted. In the end, he trusted them. Which was probably the best thing he could of ever done, for it led him to Jarred. Immediately he saw that the older boy was a down right bastard, and nothing more. For once, he was glad he had been wrong about the other, seeing as he was able to see past all the roughness, and see a caring person underneath it all. Or, at least, that's what he had thought he had found, but people are hard to read, and they can hide their intentions...

As unwanted thoughts slipped through his mind, they slowly went about with the process of breaking his fragile heart. What was he to do? He had already let his heart die once, but then the older boy had come along and revived it, only to kill it. There would be no second chances, once his heart finally stopped breaking, there would be nothing left to revive. anyone that would even try would be pushed away, left to stand alone as the boy's concrete barriers rose. Only if they would rise now, if only his heart would finish dying! This pain was just to much for Luthen; this was all over, he just knew it. There couldn't be a way from them to start again, and this just made him hurt even more. With his face hidden, he didn't have to look upon the other, the one that he still loved more then life. If this had all been nothing, then why did he love Jarred so much? In his own little shear of pain, he had no idea what kind of pain was going on in the older boy, but would he of even cared? With all this pain that the other had placed on him? Of course he would care, even like this, he would do anything in his power to make the other feel better. At this, he could only damn his loyalties. With the other's touch, he had to lift his head; when nudged, it is instinct to find out what had nudged you. In his mind, he knew who had touched him, but the instinct was to strong to resist. seeing Jarred across from him, the only person he had left to love; it was just to much. He could feel the hot tears running down his cheeks, but he could do nothing to stop them. He could hardly recognize his broken voice; it sound like it belonged to someone who had just lost everything. Oh, that right, he was losing everything. He lowered his gaze and thought about the other's words as he wiped his tears away with the back of a hand. "Can't help it," he mumbled, almost inaudible, to the older boy's request to not cry. Why was it that humans have to cry? That was one thing that Luthen could never understand, and he hated crying, showing how weak he was. His heart throbbed with pain as he tried to figure everything out; it was all just so confusing! There was one thing he had learned when he was young, that sometimes pain can help clear a mind. And, in most cases, a fresh wound could distract from an older one. Without hesitation, he bit into his wrist, relishing the pain that flooded his mind. His gaze shifted slightly as the other's voice came to his ears, but he paid it no mind. As the taste of blood filled his mouth, he couldn't help but bite harder; sending burning shards of pain to his mind. When the pain got to much, he had to let go, and was happy with his work. Luthen ignored the question if he was alright, for it was obviously that he was not "alright." His words slipped out before he could even hold them back; he just had to know. Does he really love me? Golden eyes widened slightly at the older boy's sincere answer; He loves me.. He really loves me.. God, I'm so stupid. I should of known that he wouldn't just play me. He watched as Jarred pulled off his shirt, wondering what the older boy was doing; then he followed the other's gaze. Heat came to his face as he looked at what his stunt had done, but he still couldn't bring himself to stop the blood flow. He deserved this wound, for even thinking that the other boy would do anything to hurt him. His mouth gaped slightly as the older boy wrapped his shirt around his bleeding wrist; "Y-you don't have to do that." His cheeks flushed slightly as the heartfelt words washed over him; his blush darkened slightly as the other's thumb skimmed across his bottom lip. He felt foolish, he was being cared for like a newborn pup, and yet.. Sometimes, that's all one needs. His heart was almost broken, almost left for dead; it was fragile now, much more then it had ever been. "You're still here.. And, that's enough proof for me," he said softly, lifting his gaze to look over the older boy. "Don't blame yourself for this, its my fault for not.." his voice dropped off as his eyes began to water up again; this time he didn't even try to hold them back, and slowly tears began to slip down his face. "I'm sorry, I keep putting you through so much, I don't even deserve you. But I love you so much, if I lost you.. I think I'd kill myself." as he spoke, his voice dropped off to a whisper toward the end; the truth of what he spoke shaking his core. He shivered from the reality of it; I-I really would kill myself, if I lost him.. A cold chill wrapped around him as his gaze shifted to the staining fabric around his wound; if he had shifted his fangs only slightly, he would of cut through a major vein. Fear began to grip him; if this is what it was like just thinking that he had lost Jarred, what would it be like if he really did lose to older boy? "I-I need a hug." He needed something that would make this surreal moment, turn real, and he needed it badly.

[Wow, these things just seem to keep getting longer xD I just want to snuggle Luth and tell him everything will be okay. Aww, I'll give you the hug Luth <33 J better get on the ball, if he's lucky, he'll get a major cuddle moment out of Luthen :3 (The lucky guy >.>)]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

He'd been told countless times in the past that anyone with as short a temper as his and as bitter a personality wasn't worth trying to know. He'd been told he was a lost cause by the few people who had tried to change him, the people who had tried to change him for their own benefit. So that they could say the him everyone saw afterwards was all their doing. It was just a game to them, an extortion of his character and how it should be dealt with. But he'd never wanted to change or be anything different than what he was. People would say he was as shallow as the hate he harbored, and that unlike anyone normal, there was nothing different to be seen in the deeper waters. He wasn't multi-layered, putting on a face to distract everyone from the contrasting emotions underneath according to those he encountered. He was an unmined weapon and couldn't possibly be anything more. But he'd proven then wrong, even if they didn't know it. He'd found someone who accepted him, who could relate at least partially to what he was subjected to and who genuinely cared about him, rough edges and all. He had let his impenetrable armor fall like foil, and now he was finding parts of him even he'd forgotten existed. Things he'd never dealt with before. He could see himself from everyone else's perspective, and although he regretted nothing when it came to the people who had tried to change him, he was guilt-stricken about every little thing he'd done to Luthen.

He loved the younger boy across from him with every fiber of his being, and he wanted nothing more than to make the other happy, to protect what he held most dearly and to be there when he was or wasn't needed. He needed the dark-haired boy to make it from day to day. So why did it seem like everything he did only dug deeper into the wound he'd created? How did he manage to push Luthen away time after time? The younger boy deserved nothing but devotion and warmth, and what he'd managed to convey had quickly turned into deceptions and suffering. He hated himself for being so dense, for not seeing how his actions could've been transcribed through the other's eyes and for not knowing what to do to fix what he'd done. Over and over, he had wounded the person he loved. And over and over, the younger boy had forgiven him. He'd feared the moment when Luthen would turn away every time, but it was always just that. A deep anxiety. He was paranoid, so afraid of losing everything, but the younger boy was always there beside him, like a lighthouse in a storm. But this time, it hadn't been harsh words or blind indignation. This time, he had cheated the dark-haired boy. Maybe not in reality, but that was what Luthen seemed to believe. This time, it seemed like it would all end. Dread drained the color from his face as the idea began to sink in, and he felt the first fingers of panic take hold of him as he reached out towards the younger boy. It couldn't end here. He couldn't say goodbye. Every hammering heartbeat felt labored, and he had the sensation that he couldn't get enough air no matter how deep the breaths. It didn't matter what might happen or how much time could pass, he knew he would never get over the younger boy. Even if the feeling was never returned again, he knew he would always love Luthen. Being near the other, just being able to see or hear him, had always made him feel safe, as if everything would be fine as long as the younger boy was there. But now, Luthen's tear-filled golden gaze only made him feel regretful, crestfallen, terrified. He wanted to console the boy in whatever way he could, to draw the other close and end the steady flow of tears sliding down the sides of the younger boy's face. But he didn't know if it would help or hinder to move. "Can't help it". He hadn't meant his words as any resemblance of a demand, but somehow he had the feeling they may have come out that way. He sunk his head into his hands, trying to calm his swimming thoughts enough to figure things out. But instead of enlightenment, he found only panic, and the sharp sting of sitting powerless to do anything, as waves of vermilion pulsed from the boy's self-inflicted wound with every second Luthen's teeth tore deeper. The boy's quiet question sent splinters through his heart, and he tried to pour every ounce of sincerity and adoration he possessed into his words as he worked carefully over Luthen's wound. His blue gaze lifted to find the younger boy's as Luthen's voice cut the silent space. I don't want you to lose too much, he murmured under his breath, wiping his stained thumb against his leg and dropping his eyes back to the covered wound, pleading for another chance, for anything he could do to show the boy he cared so deeply. His breath caught as Luthen spoke softly, lifting his head unbelievingly. Wh-.. he's.. Forgiveness was the last thing he'd expected, his hands shaking over the dampened shirt as he tried to determine that this was real. It's all my fault, you can't see this as yours; I'm so sorry, so, so sorry. I keep saying I'll be better.. He stumbled over his words, the cracked syllables overlapping Luthen's voice. He blinked against the unfamiliar sting in his icy eyes, drawing in an unsteady breath as the last few words Luthen had spoken rang louder than than the rest. He loves me.. he truly loves me.. and he'd- .. He didn't want to consider it could even happen. He didn't want to believe in the day when the boy left and he couldn't follow. His thoughts were gratefully forgotten as the other's soft statement sank in, his brow creasing questioningly for a moment as if to ask permission despite the request. He moved carefully, sitting quietly beside the younger boy and wrapping his arms securely around Luthen, drawing the boy close. His pulse still hammered uncontrollably, but the pain that had forced itself through him like a blade had already started to dim against the boy's warmth. You deserve more than me, you deserve someone who can be everything for you and won't keep screwing it all up. I've been such a bastard.. He draw back only far enough to see the boy's damp features, placing a gentle kiss over the tear-streaked paths on either side of Luthen's face. I love you more than anyone else ever could, Luth. I don't care who says what, you're all I want. And I'll do everything I can, whatever it takes, to make sure you never lose me. I'm nothing without you; I'm not going anywhere.

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: Lol the posts are hitting their growth spurt! XD Bawww I'll give you a hug too, Luth-pie! Poor bby boy.. I want to huggle him until it's all better <33 Olawl omg major cuddle moment, J GET ON THAT BALL!! D< ("that's what he said" my bro adds lewdly ahaha) Hurr this post is why too much cake can be a bad thing. I ate like an entire cake and now I'm so hyped I'll probably die at what a mess the post is tomorrow x3
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

Reform was something no one dared speak around him; for that was the farthest thing from his mind. Anyone that even tried to approach the subject almost ended up with fangs in their neck. Of course, with his track record, few even tried to approach him. Many others that came toward him were killed; either by his own fangs, or by the circumstances. During the few years he traveled after Reku, he had gotten several enemies, and at one time, three packs had wanted him dead. Mostly for killing some of their members; anger management wasn't even considered back then. Anyone that crossed his path and managed to live always said the same things; "You'll end up dead if you keep living like this," "Your hate will lead to your death," and things of similar nature. But Luthen never took any of their "words of wisdom," it was all bullshit to him. Just some random babble from a lucky guy that walked away with his life; whoop-dee-do. But after joining up with the gang, he thought he had become perfect; for no one every tried to tell him how to live his life. And that was what he wanted, to keep his dull hate and darkness. Never before had he ever thought of what he use to be; that soft spoken, caring wolf. Jarred was the only person that had not asked him to change, and yet, he had. After meeting the older boy, he wanted to be perfect, to be the best he ever could, for this one person.

Why did he always put the other boy through so much? The devoto was just a disaster in the making; he could never do things right. He tried, he really did, but no matter what, it always ended in grief for the other. Why did he even stay around? The other was obviously better off without him, or at least that's what he told himself. He always repeated that, just to push the knife deeper into his heart, to make himself suffer. It never seemed that he had to try too hard to make himself feel pathetic and better off dead; a talent he has, to say the least. But no matter how hard he tried to pull himself away, Luthen never got to far; it was as if the older boy had a noose around his heart, and the farther he went, the tighter it became. If he went far enough, there was no doubt that it would end up crushing his heart. And with that risk hanging over his head, he would never be able to leave Jarred for long, or else the pain would become to great. Whether the other liked it or not, it seemed as if he was going to be stuck with the boy, for better or worse. As the crimson overflowed and began to slip down his arm, his head had finally started to clear, and his burning wrist took his attention away from his breaking heart. Unlike most, he saw nothing wrong with self-injury; sometimes, it was the best thing a person could do. With each drop of blood that left his body, the better he felt; at the moment, he wouldn't of minded watching all his blood drain from his-self. But when the words he could only of hoped he would hear were said, he felt utterly foolish. Now the injury wasn't just for cleansing the mind, it was a punishment. He knew he had dug in deep enough to leave some scarring that would take awhile to heal, and maybe during that time he would learn his lesson. He had become transfixed on letting out as much blood as he could, and surprised when the older boy tired to stop it. Using his own shirt, to stop his bleeding; the other really did care about him, and yet.. He had told the other that tending to him was not necessary. His eyes lowered slightly at what the older boy said; "Oh.." he managed to push out, still slightly overwhelmed by the fact the that other cared how much blood he lost. And after doing all this, why did Jarred need to prove how much he loved the boy? Luthen just couldn't understand, but maybe it was a human thing. For his wolf standers, the older boy had already proven his love, and besides, he was the one that should of been proving his worth. He was the one at fault here anyway; it was his mind that had misread the other's actions. They only way he could think of was the forgive the other, and what other choice did he have. Though, forgiveness wasn't quite his words, instead, he placed the blame upon his own shoulders; You don't deserve this burden, his thoughts rang out as tears slid down his cheeks. When he spoke again, the other's words overlapped his own; it would of been comical, if the words had not been so serious. Apologies and death, they were a common theme among the two lovers. And it always came from the same direction; Luthen talking about death while Jarred sprang a ring of apologies. But no matter how many times the theme repeated, it never grew old, and it never tore the two apart. "Its okay. Please don't blame yourself.." he said softy; even if it was the other's fault, he would never admit it. He hated to see the older boy break down like this, that was one of the reasons he tried to throw all the blame his way, the other was, well, Luthen never missed a chance to make himself suffer. Fear racked through him at the thoughts of killing himself; he had come so close to doing it tonight. If he really wanted to, he could of moved his fangs and slit a life-giving vein. Why was it so easy to end one's life? But what scared the boy more was the thought of losing Jarred, to being at the point when he really would kill himself. there was no thoughts of not killing his-self; for that would be the only answer to stop his dying heartbreak. But right now, he wanted to push away these crushing thought; his request was simple, but that was all he wanted. He wanted to be held, to feel secure and safe, even if it was just for a moment. At the other questioning glance, his head nodded slightly; he need a hug more then anything right now. His pounding heart managed to skip a beat as the older boy returned to the couch; his his cheeks beginning to burn once more as Jared's arms wrapped around him and he was pulled closer to the other. The touch and the feel of the older boy was enough to sooth his fear and stop his tears from flowing. He shook his head as the other's words washed against him; "I don't want anyone else. And I love everything about you, your flaws included." As he spoke, he wasn't aware of the older boy drawing back and was happily surprised at the gentle kiss. He rested his head against the older boy's bare shoulder; remembering where the other's shirt had gone. He glanced down at the shirt, still wrapped around his wounded wrist; How stupid can I get, I put him through so much worry.. He lifted his head slightly as more words washed against him, words he thought he would never hear. Hope soared through him; he wasn't going to be left alone, left to die with a broken heart. His eyes closed and he smiled gratefully; Thank you, thank you so much, the words couldn't get out, he was just so happy. As the silence started to prolong, his eyes re-opened and he glanced over at the older boy, then down the the floor. He wanted to be closer to the other boy. He couldn't remember a time he had felt so shy or apprehensive then he did now. His heart began to race, and his cheeks flushed bright red, Should I really do this..? With a painfully hard swallow, Luthen repositioned himself slightly and moved over into Jarred's lap. He was far lighter then he looked, so he wasn't worried about hurting the older boy, but it was, well, invasion of space or something like that. "Sorry, I just wanted to be closer to you," he said apologetically as he rest his head against the older boy's chest. The heat rose to his face as he rested against nothing but bare skin, but he was glad he did it, he was glad to be closer, if only slightly.

[Woot, icon change xD Though it was time for some new ones <3 J is so lucky he gets to cuddle Luthen, I think I do anything to switch places with him x3 Rofl, you bro comes in at odd times, that's for sure. Yum, cake. And your post was fine, you write well all hypered up]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

Pride had always been his rise to glory and his fall from grace. It was the extra something that pulled him through impossible situations, that made him victorious where others might have failed. It was his worst enemy in some of the same situations; even when he should've, he could never push his pride aside. He would never let go. It made him what he was, it defined his success and it put him in life-threatening positions. He had never had to really give it up, though. There had never been any reason to, not when he lived and walked solely for himself. Anyone who tried to defy him, who tried to show him the errors of pride or the damnation it would bring him in the end, was mercilessly thrown back into their places. And those who tried to take it from him, who tried to burn him into the ground, faced inevitable death at his hands. Nothing was worth humility. That was what he believed. But he had changed. He'd always argued he would choose the damnation over change, but suddenly he was willing. And suddenly he was pleading, casting his pride completely away and doing whatever it took to fix what he had broken. He didn't care what anyone would say, he didn't care that he had fought for so long to protect his conceit. It didn't seem to matter anymore. All that mattered was Luthen.

He was afraid to wonder just how many more times he could be forgiven, how many times he would hurt the younger boy incidentally and somehow have Luthen wipe all his regrets and his mistakes away like he lifted the beads of crimson beneath his thumb. How many more times would he screw up and be given the chance to fix what he'd done? He felt as though he'd already used up all his passes, that this time he'd managed to dig his mistake deep enough into the younger boy's heart that there would be no opportunity for apologies. He felt numbed, torn down from the inside out by the prospect that there was no fixing what he'd done. He knew Luthen deserved so much more than him. The younger boy was one in a million, the sole person he hadn't even know he'd needed until the other boy was right there, standing beside him despite his shortcomings; a treasure in a dull sea of worthless faces. But he was only second rate, even in his own eyes, lacking in so many places and strong in only a few for all the wrong reasons. He tried to be more, he had to be the one the dark-haired boy wanted, but his efforts all seemed to cause more harm than help. It was torment every time, watching his own mistakes stab and sink the one person he strove so far to never harm. Something in the back of his mind knew he should step aside, let the younger boy have everything he wanted instead of stumbling because of him. But he couldn't let go. He knew it sounded selfish, but he couldn't bring himself to loosen his hold. He felt so different, so warm and secure and real when he was around the younger boy, and he never wanted the calm contentment that had found him to dim. Just the thought of an hour without the other was devastating, his stomach knotting and his throat impeding the breaths sticking in his chest. If he had lifted his head, if he had noticed the younger boy lift a wrist to the other's mouth, maybe he could have done something, anything, to have stopped Luthen's teeth from puncturing the skin. His heart seemed to stop when he realized what had happened, a sick feeling crawling through him as the memories of quick deaths he'd brought with a single slit to a jugular petrified him where he sat. Oh god, no.. His shirt had been the closest fabric he could think of to use, panicked as he carefully wrapped it around the open wound. Guilt threatened to strangle him as he watched the daubs of deep red slowly appear through the cloth, his voice barely audible as he forced a reply past the lump in his throat. He could have killed the younger boy; it was because of him that Luthen had bitten down in the first place. His vision had begun to swim before him, his breaths coming sharply when soft words brought him back. How can he forgive me? I was so stupid.. and he's trying to blame himself for it. He was the one who got hurt.. He shook his head slowly, unable to accept that any of this could've been Luthen's fault as words of apology began to fall from his mouth. He had broken down in a single day more than he had in twenty years; he had apologized when only the day before he hadn't cared what an apology truly was. But it seemed okay, because for the first time someone had picked up the pieces. "Please don't blame yourself". He chewed on his lip, focusing his stinging gaze on the stained palm of the younger boy's hand. I didn't mean to even let you think there was ever anyone but you. I should've thought about how it might seem He swallowed with difficulty, biting down the "sorry" on his tongue. He knew the younger boy hated it when he apologized, but it was all he could do to try and mend what he'd already managed to so severely break. He wanted to be able to draw the other close like he always had, to breathe the younger boy in and reassure himself as much as Luthen that it would all turn out alright. He wanted to wash away the hollow feeling that had stolen over him at the mere thought of death. He wanted to dry the tears trailing down Luthen's face. But what if the younger boy wanted to be left alone? As if Luthen had read his thoughts, the boy's tentative statement found him, his brow knitting as he tried to confirm that he had really been invited closer. His heart raced at the boy's gentle nod, and he moved tentatively to sit beside the younger boy. Warmth washed over him as his arms slid protectively around the other, all his uncertainty and fear stripped away as his lips found the boy's tear-stained skin. Flaws and everything.. he loves me, for me. He loves me. A small smile lifted his features, and he let his cheek brush against the side of the younger boy's head. He could feel his face grow hot as his steady flow of words trickled to a close, a current of adoration sweeping through him as he returned the boy's smile, letting his gaze linger over the boy's features as a calm silence settled over the room. As long as I can have this, like it is right now.. I don't need anything else. A prick of concern still harbored on the back of his mind, and he considered asking the other how his arm was faring, if it needed anything immediate, but he never formed the words. He met the younger boy's warm gaze, a question across his features as Luthen's cheeks reddened and the other moved subtly. He hadn't expected the younger boy to move towards him, and it was his turn to flush a light red as the other settled in his lap. His heart stammered at a breakneck pace and he had to focus on steadying his breaths.The boy felt so warm against him, and it was only then he realized how cold he was. His smile widened slightly at the younger boy's apologetic tone, and he placed his chin lightly on the other's head. Don't be, he returned, denying the warm shiver stealing across him. It feels like it's impossible to be close enough to you sometimes. Most of the time, he admitted, the same foreign sheepishness as before flitting through his confession as his fingertips trailed softly down the boy's sides. His skin burned under the other's touch, the boy's breaths cascading warmly across his chest and his already flushed face staining itself a darker vermilion. A hand rose to brush away the strands of dark hair sticking to the tear-stained streaks down Luthen's reddened cheek. Y'know, I've always loved the way you blush, he murmured, reveling in the comfort that being so close had brought him. It felt different, somehow, with nothing between them, Luthen's soft touch lingering against his bare skin. It was as if they were closer than they had been able to be before. His hands knitted at the small of the younger boy's back, keeping the other as close as their bodies would allow. I know I've done some dumbass things before, he bit his lip, trying to keep his quiet voice from breaking, But I really thought I was going to lose you this time. His hold tightened subconsciously, small quivers traveling through him undetected. He let out a slow breath, his gaze falling to the couch before it was pulled to the dark smatterings across Luthen's clothes. You got blood on you shirt he whispered, holding the edge of the other's shirt in his hand and absently scratching lightly at the stains.

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: Yummm, I love the new icons! <333 And domg -shoves J out of the way- Jarred u fail'd, it's our turn! x3 Stupid lucky unlucky person rofl. Baww well thank you! Lol I've been living on chocolate for the last few days, goood stuff haha. My cousin was 'fixing' this post for me, and in a scramble over part of it the text somehow poofed, which is why it's only now getting up here lol. I had to do a quick retype, so it shall have to settle rofl. LUTHEN LEAVE J AND COME HOME WITH MEE! <33
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

Luthen had walked alone in his depression and self-hate for so long that it was what defined him. No one that every crossed his path didn't know about how much he wanted to be dead. Life just wasn't worth living after the pack was dead, but he could just go and kill himself, now could he? There was still that bastard Reku around, and plus, he had to live, that was his punishment. Most would never be able to understand why he punished himself that the pack died, it wasn't even his fault. But in his mind, it was his fault. If only he had been stronger. If only he had been quicker. They would all be living. When he had run into the gang, the devoto had gone about and created a facade, by this time Reku was supposedly dead, and he could live out the rest of his punishment in peaceful misery. But why did the others of the gang have to know about how awful he felt inside? How everyday was more painful then the last. They didn't need to know, and they never did find out; no one found out. Not about his past, or his pain. Luthen had the perfect facade going, nothing could ever go wrong, because there was nothing that would break his show. How wrong had he been. The boy had let that mask crack and fall apart, he did everything to keep it on, but in the end he let it fall. There was someone that hew as willing to show some of his misery to, and maybe, this person could help take some of the misery away.

He had pushed away so many people in the past few years, that, when there was finally someone that he was willing to pull closer, he had no idea how to act or react. His social senses were dull; he had to second guess himself with every move he made. Did he do something wrong? Did he not say the right thing? He had made many mistakes since he had grown closer to the older boy; most of those mistakes were enough to almost split them apart. No matter what the other said, it was always his fault. Everything was. And yet, after all the shit he'd done, Jarred still remained with him; was still willing to piece the younger boy together. He was always falling apart, he tried, he really tired to stand strong, but it was just so hard to keep the feeling to himself. He wanted to be comforted; he wanted to be told that everything was alright. The boy could no long stand strong on his mountain top; the treacherous peak had gotten rocker, and now he need help to stand atop it. And in his fear of losing that support, an image of suicide flashed across his mind; it was ever so tempting, but Luthen could never do it. Not when there was a small hope that the older boy could still love him; still be there for him. In an act of complete desperation, he bit down on his wrist; being thankful for his canine-like fangs. During this, he didn't even consider what the other thought, mostly because he thought he was already losing the other boy. He just couldn't think of that though, and pain his a great distracted, that he had learned years ago. How else did he survive the days after his pack was murdered? Self-inflicted injury. It was the only pleasure he would allow himself to have, only because it brought as much pain as it did relief. But back then, no one had ever tried to stop the blood flow, or even cared if he killed himself. He wasn't prepared for the older boy to use his own shirt to stop the bleeding. Why is he doing that? he had thought, but after a few seconds, he understood. It was because the older boy cared for him; him the creature that was better off dead. His absentmindedly watched as his blood stained the fabric; easily blaming himself for causing all this strife. I won't let you blame yourself for this.. Its my stupidity that caused this, nothing more..He would do anything to taken the blame off of Jarred's shoulders and place it on his own. He carried so many burdens already, what was one more? He could take it.. He had to take it. But no matter how many sins he tried to take, it would never be enough to equal the sin of letting his pack die. His eyes lifted up at the other's words; He's still blaming himself... "Its okay, I understand." Why did the other try and blame himself? Didn't he realize that Luthen was more then willing to take the blame, to become the scapegoat. He was offering a pass to become guilt-free; why wasn't he taking it? Why? Confusion racked around his brain, bringing about things that he would of liked stay buried. He felt isolated and along, stuck in an empty void of depression and darkness, and he was scared. It had been hours since he had walked in the darkest part of his mind, and it scared him that he might return there. The couch suddenly felt so isolated; like being on an island all alone. even though the older boy just sat across from him, it felt like miles. Normally the boy didn't indulge in his needs, but the darkness, the impending darkness continued to draw closer. A slight nod was all he could muster at the other boy's questioning look; Please, I just need your presence next to me. Please... He was relived when his request was not seen as idiotic, and he tried to clam his racing heart when the other moved next to him. The warmth that the other gave him was wonderful, it pulled him out of the darkness and back into the light. There was nothing that he would trade for this moment; Jarred's arms wrapped around him, protecting him from himself. and there was no one else that would be able to calm his fear and bring him back to peacefulness. sure the older boy had flaws, well, a lot of flaws, but that just made Luthen love him even more. His heart skipped a beat, like it always did when the other's lips brushed against him. This sensation was something he could never get use to, and be damned if he ever did. As the words came toward him, he was at a loss for words; what could he ever say to prove just how thankful he was? All he could show was one of his rare, heartwarming smiles. The silence that followed the older boy's words was deafening, or maybe it was just in his ears? was it because of the thoughts that began to for, and the wants that he could only barely contain. He couldn't bring himself to voice what he wanted, and the only thing that showed he was thinking of something was the brightening of his cheeks. He didn't know what the other would say or do, but he could no longer suppress his desire to be even closer to the older boy. He moved slowly, unsure that what he was doing was acceptable. He moved gently and carefully into the other's lap; comfortably resting against the other's bare skin. The red lighting up the older boy's features, just made his brighten even more; was he doing something wrong? He apologized, seeing that there was nothing else he could say; for he had done something rather.. invasive. At Jarred's words, he let out the breath he didn't know he was holding; "I know what you mean," he breathed, shivering slightly as the older boy's fingers trailed down his sides. "I feel the same way." His golden eyes closed as the had brushed away a few strands of hair; a small smile lighting his face. "Y'know, I've always loved the way you blush," his eyes reopened and the fading blush across his cheeks darkening once more. "R-really?" he said softly, tilting his head slightly to look up at the other. "I've always loved your eyes," he lowered his head slightly, and pressed it against the other. I can't believe I just said that, he could feel his cheeks burning, and there was nothing he could do to make the redness disappear. But, did it really matter, Jarred did say that he loved the boy's blush.. The corners of his mouth up turned to a smile at the small pressure against his back, keeping him as close to the older boy as possible. His heart continued to thud against his chest as the other's words washed against him; He was.. Afraid of losing me? he thought as the hold around him tightened. It was still hard to believe that anyone would care so much about him, and yet, someone clearly did. "I thought I had already lost you," he confessed; absent mindlessly trailing his finger's across Jarred's bare skin. "But you don't have to worry about losing me, as long as you want me around, I'll be here." His golden gaze followed his fingers as the continued to brush against the other's chest; his mind still had not caught up to what he was doing yet, for it was still to busy revealing in the closeness between them. His hand stopped in its movement with the older boy's words; he looked down at his shirt and sure enough he had manged to splatter blood across it. "I'm sorry," he spoke, knowing that it was the other boy's shirt he was wearing. "I didn't mean too.. I guess you shouldn't let me borrow you're clothes anymore." He felt bad about staining the older boy's shirt, but he hadn't realized; Luthen had just been too caught up in everything that was happening. He let out a soft sigh, wrapping his arms around Jarred's neck and resting his head in the crook of the other's neck. I always seem to mess something up, I'm just a disaster.. slowly his thought began to trail away, leaving the devoto along to rest against the older boy. "You're really comfortable," he said shyly, nuzzling even closer to the other boy.

[Sorry this took so long. Yeah, that's right J, you've had enough chances, its our turn to give it a go x3 I know, Jarred is probably the luckiest, unlucky person on the planet. There's no need to worry, this turned out great, and J can be such a sweetie.. Even though Luthen should leave him and come with one of us -cough-meaningme-cough- lol xD I didn't think Luth could get cuter, but, gah, he has surpassed the cute meter once again :3]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

He had never cared about anyone but himself. Nobody was worth his time, nobody was worth more than a glance unless they had something to offer. They were all the same in his eyes; greedy, whiny, liars who might act like they're selfless, but he knew better. They all acted like saints on the outside, flaunting the fact that they go out of their way to help others, when he knew that it was all a show, that on the inside every single one of them were selfish bastards who were just as uncaring as he was. The difference was that they all vied for the public's attention, making themselves into jokes for the sake of publicity while he let them think whatever they might think of him, being what he was instead of pretending to be something he wasn't. He hated it, the way they tried to 'fix' him when they were the ones who needed to change. But then he found someone who let him be what he'd never been, who let him realize just how far he'd fallen. Suddenly he could care less about himself. The only person that mattered at all to him was Luthen; he would do anything for the younger boy. The other had pulled him in, shown him sides of himself he'd never allowed to exist and burned his defensive walls to the ground. It had always been him, alone on his island, standing alone against the rest of the world. But here was someone who was standing beside him, showing him that maybe he didn't have to be alone.

He could almost say that he had always asked for forgiveness rather than permission for his actions, but in his case neither had crossed his mind in the past. Now, though, he truthfully asked for both when he was with the younger boy. For the first time, he was trying. Trying to be everything he had never been, trying to do everything he could to keep Luthen safe and happy and right where the other boy was now; with him. But for all his efforts, he felt himself taking two steps in the wrong direction for every three he stepped forward. Every time he would reach out, try to somehow show the younger boy just how much he cared, it only seemed to end up hurting the other. He acted without rationalizing, spoke without thinking first, and now there were so many things he wished he could have done differently. It cut deeper than any knife to know that he had hurt the younger boy, had inadvertently pushed away the one person he would do anything to hold closer. But Luthen had always stayed. Despite all his mistakes, despite all the things he'd managed to put the other through, the younger boy still looked at him with the same softness as before. And no matter how obvious it seemed to have been all his fault, Luthen hadn't one time let him believe it had been. As many times as the younger boy would say it wasn't his fault, as many times as the other would try to take the blame off of him, he would always disagree. He knew the crushing guilt that the younger boy already harbored, the weight of the memories and the unbearable notion that it was all the other's fault that everyone around Luthen had died because of him. Even if any of their troubles had been the younger boy's fault, he wasn't willing to let the other carry any more than what Luthen already held over his shoulders. He wanted to always be there when the younger boy needed him, to be the one Luthen could always run to when things got dark. But he needed the other, needed to know that Luthen was still there, to even be able to stand strong. He was scared, so truly afraid in those few long moments when he looked up to find the younger boy's teeth sinking quickly past the skin of the other's wrist, a steady flow of crimson following the plane of Luthen's arm and dripping onto the surfaces below. He knew too well how easy it was to hit the artery, and his mind wrapped around that thought as panic rose to the surface. And there was nothing he could do, he couldn't stop it from happening or heal what had been done. And it's all because of me.. He bit his lip, watching the dark stains appear against his shirt as his apology rang in his ears. He felt far away from the other boy, sitting on the cluttered coffee table, separated by miles instead of mere inches. The younger boy's soft voice filtered quietly through the thick guilt encasing him, and his icy gaze rose slowly to find Luthen's upon him. The other's words were enough to offer a small solace, a long exhale escaping him as relief subtly washed through him. A small smile flitted across his features, the hand still holding his shirt against the younger boy's arm tightening subtly in a silent thanks. He started to move forward, to feel the younger boy near him, but caught himself halfway, lowering his gaze to the floor. He had been so close to losing the younger boy, and now he was more cautious than ever. He didn't want to do anything that could break what had just begun to heal. But Luthen was able to take away his uncertainties with a few tentative words, his head snapping up unsurely to find the other's small nod of affirmation. A smile crossed his features and he could feel his heart hammering quickly as he rose from his spot on the edge of the table, settling carefully next to the younger boy and wrapping his arms affectionately around the other. Just being so close to Luthen made it seem as though all the night's problems, everything that had happened, had simply melted away, leaving him wrapped in a warmth he wouldn't trade for the world. His features burned subtly as his lips lightly brushed against the other's cheeks, his heart skipping at the feeling. He returned the other's brilliant smile, wishing he could stay how he was forever. He knew he would give anything to remain as he was, so close to the boy he loved, his arms keeping Luthen close. His gaze found the younger boy's blushing features, his mouth opening to ask what was on the other's mind only to close as Luthen slowly moved toward him. It was his turn to blush a bright red as the younger boy settled in his lap, the feel of Luthen's soft touch against his bare skin freezing his breath in his throat. He smiled at the younger boy's apology, trying to understand the timidity that filtered through his response. "I feel the same way." He exhaled slowly, thanking whatever higher being had brought him to the younger boy as he pushed the boy's dark hair away from Luthen's face, hearing the words leaving his mouth before he had time to realize what he was saying. He smiled down at the younger boy as he felt the other turn his head towards him, feeling his own face darken substantially at Luthen's words. He loves my eyes? He could feel the smile widen across his features, and he let his cheek rest against the younger boy's head. You do? He pulled the boy closer, his hands resting warmly at the small of the other's back as his confession managed to press past the closed feeling in his throat. Luthen's words washed against him, shivers wracking over him as he only just managed to swallow the small sound rising in his throat at the feel of the younger boy's fingers trailing gently across his chest. "As long as you want me around, I'll be here." His heart skipped a beat at the other's words, I'll always want you around. T-thank you, Luth. A hand untangled to run through the younger boy's dark hair, his gaze trailing to the dark on Luthen's shirt. He shook his head slowly in response to the younger boy's apology, his breath catching as the other's arms wrapped securely around his neck. N-no, I don't care. I would've done worse. A small chuckle escaped him, and he gran the fabric between his fingers. He shifted slightly as the other nuzzled closer, Luthen's words ringing in his ears as he tried to deny the heat coiling at the bottom of his stomach. You're really warm, he murmured in reply, placing a small kiss against the younger boy's shoulder before moving his lips softly to the crook of the other's neck. His hands trailed up the boy's back, the stained shirt bunching as it traveled over Luthen's skin. I can get you a different shirt.. he added hesitantly, his thumb stroking gently over the scar running down the middle of the other's back.

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: No worries, yours didn't take long at all <3 Lolol stupid unlucky lucky duck >3< Bawwz well thank you, lol Luth brings out the good in J haha! Mmyes, he should definitely choose one of us -cough-meaningI'mstealinghim-cough- rofl! Homg Luth just broke the cuteness scale x10! I wanna huggle him so baaadd! x3 Urgh I'm sorry about this post, it took way too long to get up and it's short and blah lol. I was at a congrats party for my pal all day rofl, I kinda fail'd.
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

Similar to other humans, Luthen hid his true self under the perfect facade; well, more like buried it. But unlike most, he hid all the things that made him good, and let the darkness enter his heart, or what was left of it. He locked away everything that made him who he was, and took on every feature that made people fear the wolf in the first place. The cruel, heartless animal that will kill at a moments notice for no good reason; that was who he was, or tried to be. No one, not even the gang, had ever guessed that there might of been another part, but for that, the devoto was grateful. For hidden along with his old self, was the pain that could never be healed. Time heals everything, they say. What a load of bullshit. Time just made things worse, and let his facade become his reality. Is life was no longer an act, that was who he had become. Let the people have there acts and plays, for at the end of the day, they could remove their masks, he couldn't. But then someone came along that forced his mask off, that shook away the facade of his life. And with it came a flood of memories and pain, but also the kind wolf that had been locked away for years. He would never forget the pain of his past, but he was beginning to live with it, in a way that wouldn't eat at his soul.

He couldn't shake the feeling of being so unsure, to painfully oblivious if what he was doing was right. He had no real idea what it was like to be in any kind of relation ship; in the past he had only accepted his packs affection, but he had never let anyone have his heart, not until now. Jarred had complete control over the boy, and there was nothing he was willing to do to have that hold be released. He couldn't fight against that hold, and if he did, it only brought pain to both of them. So why fight it? Why fight how good it felt to be with the older boy? Yet, there was still a past of him that told him this was all wrong, and no matter how hard he tried to push that thought away, it always seemed to resurface. As he sat alone on the couch, the voice returned, but with more force then it could of mustered if the other had been beside him. The boy hated thinking that it was wrong to be with the other boy; how could it be wrong, if it felt so right? Yet the annoying thorn wouldn't go away.. Fear and uneasiness went through him as he watched his blood stain the fabric of the older boy's shirt. Why was it that he was always the one getting hurt? But it was his fault anyway, so maybe he just deserved to feel the pain, the heartbreak. The constant back-and-forth wasn't enough to break a person; but Luthen wasn't just some person, he had already suffered more hurt and loss that all of this was sending him to the edge. Was this going to be how it would always be? Him about to fall over the edge, only have a strand of hope that kept him from falling. No person should have to live this way.. And yet, yet he wanted to. At least now he had some hope, and he had already fallen once before, a second time wouldn't matter. In his lost and confusion, pain, and darkness; Luthen asked for the thing he needed most: A hug. Something that would comfort him. His eye pleaded for the other to come next to him, but when the other waited, coldness dropped through him. Was his statement too selfish? But the puzzled look in the other's icy eye reassured him, and he nodded to end Jarred's confusion. He wanted that touch, no, he needed it. As the older boy rested beside him, and the warm embrace surrounded him; he finally felt safe. And with this, the hurtful thoughts dissipated, for now at least. For they would be back, they could never be completely obliterated. The pounding of his heart was another sign that everything was going to be alright; he was till alive and the older boy still loved him. The light kiss made his heart sip a beat or two, like it always did when the other kissed him. And the words that pass, those wonderful words made it seem like everything would stay alright. The silence that passed after his grateful smile was heart stopping, but it was just to his own ears as thought floated through his head.. I just want to be closer.. he tried to shake the thoughts away, but they continued to come forth and turn his cheeks red. It was so comforting in the other's arm, but he just had to be closer. He couldn't help but feel uneasy as he moved into the other's lap; he couldn't believe he was actually doing this. Once he was settled though, it just felt so right to lie against the older boy's bare chest, a warmth beginning to flicker though him. He couldn't help but say he was sorry, even though he didn't feel sorry at all, but he was relieved when his actions were deemed acceptable. This is the closest we've every been, and yet.. Why do i want to be even closer? He was caught off guard when the other stated that he loved the boy's blush; which made the red across his cheeks brighten in response. Luthen didn't know what to say to that, so he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind; which, also made his blush flare up. He buried his face, How could I just say that? His embarrassment was short lived when he felt the other's cheek rest against his head and the heard the soft question. "Y-yeah," he breathed softly. "They're beautiful.. The same innocent blue as wolf pup's." As he was pulled closer, Luthen was gad he told the older boy that he loved his eyes. Jarred's confession put things in a new light for the boy, making hi realize what all of this might of looked like to the other. But still that paled in comparison to what he felt like; like he had already lost the other. Without even noticing, his fingers trailed across the other's chest; finally coming to mind as the older boy shivered under his touch. He couldn't deny the fact that as long as the other wanted him around, he would be there. His heart soared as the the words washed against him, "I'll always want you around." He smiled up at the other boy, "No, thank you," he whispered, knowing that the other didn't know just how much his words meant. He managed to suppress a happy whine as the hand brushed though his hair. After all his ranting about not wanted to be like some pet dog, he couldn't show just how good it felt to have a hand run across his head. Luckily he didn't have a tail to give himself away. He couldn't help but apologize at his bloody mistake; Can't I do anything right? he thought as his arms encircled around the older boy's neck. After being reassured by Jarred, he could begin to relax; the older boy really was comfortable.. He just didn't mean to voice his thoughts aloud. His breath caught slightly at the other's mention of himself being warm. But he was always warm, whether he was in wolf form, or human form, he could always maintain a steady heat. His cheeks flushed as he felt the other's lips brush against him; a small shiver running the length of his body as the Jarred's hand trailed up his back. "Y-you don't have too," he said breathlessly. He couldn't suppress a small, wolfish whine as the older boy's thumb rubbed gently against the long scar down his back. It was the most sensitive part on his whole body; resting right over his spinal cord, and it felt so nice how the other rubbed his thumb across it. "I.. I don't have to have a shirt.." he said shyly, his cheeks burning brightly. His eyes lowered sightly; Did.. Did I just say that. Oh god. Inwardly he groaned at how stupid that statement must of been.

[Luth, you sly dog you, was this your plan all along? To get both of you shirt-less, rofl. I think Luth would be much happier with one of us -cough-Youcan'tstealhimifIstealhimfirst-cough- lmao xD Gah, Luth why can't you be really so that we can huggle you?! You're post was fine, and a congrats party if fun :3 I'm sorry for having you wait long.. And I'm not even sure this is a good post x.x]
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