turn.the.lights.down.[Kai]

[Luthen]

The one reason he felt so lost was that this was all so new. Those few years he was left alone, in his hunt for revenge; the idea that he was worthless, a creature that didn't deserve life, was planted deep inside his mind. The dark and depressing thoughts just dug deeper and deeper and grew into a vast network of darkened thoughts. Now the ideas were rooted so deep that it seemed like nothing would ever be able to pull them up. And yet there was something tempting to. Everything the other boy did and said went against what Luthen had come to know and believe. And these deeply planted thoughts and ideas fought back with everything they had.. Or at least they tried to. Every dark and hurtful thought that entered the boy's mind was pushed away and dissipated when he was near Jarred. He still didn't understand why, but did he really need to know? As long as he was with the older boy, nothing else mattered. He had to be perfect for the one he had come to care so much about though; he had to prove that he was worthy of the love he was receiving. And yet, how could he? He wasn't worthy.. Or, or maybe he was. Maybe he could receive this love and know that he did deserve to have it. Maybe, if only he could realize how wonderful he truly was. Maybe if he could bring back the life he had killed so long ago.

He felt so safe, so secure, so wanted. And yet there was a small reason that made him think that he could ruin this wonderful moment with the older boy. He was to unsure of himself, and he had never felt that way before; he had always had a vague idea of what to do. But this was something so new, so unexpected that there was nothing he could draw out. And what was with everything the other said? Was the older boy willing to blame himself? The boy just couldn't understand why he was willing to do that; I will gladly take the blame.. You deserve to be happy and live guilt free. It was unbelievable, but slowly, ever so slowly, he was becoming what he once was. This thought was something he had thought so many times when he was still with the pack. It was such a small change in himself that he didn't even notice it. "You're already perfect." H-how can I be.. Perfect? He was nothing close to perfection, in fact, he was far from it. How could this person think that he was perfect? There was nothing that he could see about himself that would ever make anyone think he was perfect. Luthen really didn't know what he was doing as he drew himself closer to the other. Well, he did know what he was doing.. Insecurities flood through him as their lips touched, then he drew himself away. He was scared of what the older boy would say; was it okay for him to do that? Or was he wrong? There was no resistance as his chin was lifted and he was caught in the other's lips; a calm flooded through him. He's not mad, I'm so glad. The corners of his mouth upturned to a small smile as he was brought closer to the bodyguard; the tightening grip around him was something he never wanted to go away. "You don't geddit, do you?" He didn't, he truly didn't get it. "No, I don't.." he drew himself closer to Jarred, lessening the small gap that was between them. "Will you please explain it to me?"

[Lol, I say we just wing it and see what happens ^^ You write good on meds, I don't think I could. Hehe, thanks, I just kinda found it, I wasn't even looking an then it was O.O "Omg must use" XD I don't know about this post -pokes it-]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

He wasn't a saint. He couldn't say he'd done one charitable thing in his lifetime. He was condemned with the deaths and disappearances of countless faces, and he'd never even cared. He'd stolen, no, taken, enough over the years to amass a fortune rivaling a thriving noble's funds and had let it dwindle away as quickly as he'd obtained it. He had always been the best of the worst, hated by everyone and hating everyone. But somehow, in a miraculous turnabout, Luthen was changing him. Whenever he was around the boy, he was warm. His bitterness seemed to ebb and his potent personality became quieter, more patient and could even be called affectionate. He didn't care what happened to him, no matter what the situation; his sole purpose, the only thing on his mind, was the boy before him, the sole person he never wanted to be apart from. He had always been so immovable, so overly sure of himself that it was only now that he was beginning to see, that he was realizing, that deep down, he was hesitant. Hesitant to maybe do something wrong, to do something that would hurt the boy he loved so much. But as unsure as he was, he swallowed his misgivings, being strong for Luthen where the boy was weak. The dark-haired boy had plunged past everything the other knew, for him. He wasn't about to let Luthen flounder.

He never wanted to leave that single moment, almost afraid to move, fearing that even the smallest motion would break everything he felt, would sever that single instant. Guilt still coursed through him, that same wish, that he could do it all over again, still floating at the back of his head. But the younger boy's unwavering embrace, those warm arms encircling his neck and the other's soft words that were enough to make his head swim, were slowly replacing the regret with comfort. His heavily-lidded gaze found the younger boy's as he gently tilted the other's chin upward, a small smile crossing his features as the boy allowed him to steal a short kiss. It was nearly impossible to pull away, he felt as though he would rather stop breathing, but somehow, perhaps with help from his newfound caution, he was able to. He loved the warmth radiating from the younger boy, loved the feeling of his arms around the other as he returned Luthen's subtle smile. He knew his response to the boy's question had been half-baked and more rhetorical than he'd meant for it to sound, but he wasn't sure how to convey everything he felt. His heart leapt to his throat as he felt the younger boy draw even closer against him, his arms only partially unwinding themselves to allow his hands to rest on either of the other's hips. I.. He bit at his bottom lip, blue gaze sliding slightly from the younger boy's as he tried to search for words to describe what he wanted to be able to explain to the boy before him. Every time I'm with you, I feel like I that's all I could ever need but at the same time, you make me want more. A red tinge had begun to spread across his features, You tell me you don't know how to be human, but everything you do.. he chuckled softly, meeting the boy's golden gaze again as he felt his cheeks burn as they reddened further, You know just how to drive me crazy, y'know. A thumb absently stroked at the boy's side; Everything you do is so right, you don't need to worry about whether it's okay or whatever.. I've promised you, and I'll swear to you again, I'll never do anything to ever hurt you. But you make it damn hard to keep a straight head sometimes, his smile widened subtly, his voice quiet and light but truthful. I don't really know how to say all this.. He shrugged almost apologetically, struggling to find a better way to get his point across.

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: Awwz I love Luth's earnestness <33 -huggles- Too cute! ^^ Fff.. J totally fail'd at explaining XD Sorryz, my brain's not working so hot today lolz
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

If one could go back and compare how he was before the bloodshed and how he was before meeting the older boy; one wouldn't even think that they where the same person. Luthen had done a complete 180 after the death of his pack; turning into a more feral beast, or a monster if one thought a wolf was feral. He had closed off his heart and hardened it to life, there was nothing left except for his duty to the Gang. Everything else was meaningless. That's all he had, was the Gang, and there was nothing that was going to change that. So he thought. But after meeting Jarred, everything began to change, and so suddenly. He had reveled his past, something he would of never done. He had made a promise, something he was sure he would never do. And on top of that, he was slowly changing, back to who he once was. The boy didn't even notice it, it had happened so fast, but now he was so close to what he was. And still he didn't even notice it. Now if one compared how he was now, and who he was with the pack; one would fine very few differences. Its just that now the devoto blamed himself even more then he use too. And of course, for the dark thoughts that he had all but forgotten about.

There was nothing to describe how happy the boy was; never before had he ever felt like this, even back when he lived with his pack. To be truly loved by someone like this, it was just so wonderful. He loved how he could keep his arms wrapped around the older boy's neck and know that the other liked, or maybe even, loved it to. He really didn't know why he had closed the small gap between them, but he did know that he wanted to be closer to the other. The boy felt safe, pressed up against the other boy; for once he knew he could drop his guard and have nothing to fear. Luthen had always been on guard, even among the wolves, he was alert; there was no telling when something would come to end your life. But here, wrapped in Jarred's embrace, there was nothing for him to be scared of. He waited patiently for his most important person to speak, the smile never leaving his face. A red tint slowly appeared across his features as he noticed the other redden. I make you feel that way? it was hard to believe that he could make anyone feel like the older boy said he felt. His blush deepened as the other continued; there was nothing that would be able to steal away the warm smile he showed. "You're wrong," he stated quietly, unable to take his gaze off of Jarred. "You said it perfectly." All of his insecurities melted away with the other's spoke words; I love him so much. All I want is to stay beside him.. He pulled himself closer, there was barely even a gap left between them now. "I understand now," he whispered against the older boy. "Thank you for explaining it." With out hesitation he captured the other's lips in his own; no longer was he scared of how the older boy would react.

[-pats- Your posts always blow mine away. Aww, I think J explained it well ^^ Hmm, wow. That's all I can say for Luth <3]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

Standing in near solidarity alongside all his faults, all his inadequacies, was the reliable fact that although he was many things, he wasn't a liar. This didn't automatically make him a better person by any means, but it was at least a flicker of light in the depths of his unapproachable personality. He'd never, not once in his life, lied to anyone. Sarcasm, at it's best, would sometimes be confused with deceitfulness, but the truth still stood that he didn't lie. Period. Not to anybody, not even his deepest enemies; lying, to him, was synonymous to hiding, having to pretend one thing for fear of what someone might do or think in response. While it wasn't always enjoyed, he told it as it was, whether the receiver might want to hear it or not in most cases. But truthfulness and openness don't go hand in hand. Sure, he didn't lie. Most of his remarks consisted of scrutinizing comments or opinionated judgements. But he'd never revealed his buried truths. He stowed everything away, keeping the thoughts or comments that could be used against him, that showed he could have weaknesses, in the relative safety of his own mind. Until Luthen. Until the younger boy gave him someone to trust, someone who he felt completely, unendingly safe around. Someone he wanted to give everything to. Suddenly he wasn't keeping things from the dark-haired Devoto. Suddenly he was putting into words everything he would've previously kept locked away. He wasn't just telling the truth anymore; for the boy he loved, and that boy only, he was learning to bear all.

It felt odd, almost uncomfortable, to let the quiet words he spoke leave his mouth. He'd never let someone in as deep as he'd let the younger boy; it was a leap into dark waters to let his words reflect so much of his true feelings, to lower his guard and put everything he was, everything he felt, on the front line. But the boy before him could dissipate any qualms with a single glance; he didn't think there was anything he could ever love more than the feeling of being encompassed in the other's warm arms, feeling completely safe. Knowing that he was needed. Loved. He found it nearly impossible to lift his icy blue gaze, to meet the younger boy's inquiring features, from the spot on the wall just to the right of the boy. His face burned, a crimson glow appearing across the bridge of his nose, coloring either cheek like a bad sunburn. His hands subtly tensed against the younger boy's sides, a blotch on his bottom lip growing almost as red as his face where his teeth continually raked the sensitive skin, nerves he'd never known he had battling to get the best of him as the smatter of rain against glass overtook the still atmosphere of the room, melding with the whirr of a ceiling fan. Wow. Wow. I sounded so stupid, why did I even try to spit it out? That was.. just.. geez. He sighed, his brow furrowing unsurely as the other boy's quiet voice washed against him. He forced his gaze to pry itself from the wall, relief and mild confusion flashing across his features as he met the younger boy's blushing smile. I'm.. wrong...? A breathy chuckle escaped him in a quick exhale as the other continued, a smile widening across his features, his entirety burning as he felt the boy pull closer against him, his chest pressed against the other's with each deep breath. I.. I did..? Perfect was a word he didn't think he'd ever be able to branch to himself, but his musings were cut short by the younger boy, eyes barely open as the boy's hot breath sent shivers through him. I'm really glad.. You're w- He barely registered the other's whispered words, forgetting how to breathe as his lips were seized in the boy's. A hand rose from the other's hip, fingers entwining in the dark hair at the nape of the younger boy's neck, his other hand abandoning it's post as well to find a gentle hold on the boy's shoulder as he led the boy farther from the door, turning them both one-eighty so that the other's back was facing the room. He struggled to keep in check, his lips working carefully, softly, against the boy's despite the compulsion towards fervency, towards wandering. Slowly edging Luthen farther into the room, his closed eyes made it impossible to see the arm of a junk-obscured couch looming until he felt himself and the boy toppling over, one arm tightly wrapping around the younger boy's middle as the other sought to catch him as he crashed off the side amidst a confusion of airborne items.

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: aw thanks kai! You're too nice, your posts are totally awesomer! <3 Hee Luth, you sweetheart, you lol. Rofl I felt they needed some action (Bam! XD), hence the couch of dooom haha! J.. you're so smoooooth... -snorts-
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

There were many traits to his personality that he had killed off while in his hunt for revenge. He never regret killing them off, that is, until they started to become revived. Some of them he would of liked to stay dead, but others, like his warm and caring nature, he was glad to see them return. The devoto didn't realize how much he missed them, for those few traits had made up his core personality. Killing them off was literally killing himself; which resulted in him beginning to fade away. Its hard to believe that they would suddenly return after being dead for so long; what had caused this sudden and unexplained event? There was only one drastic change that had happened in his life recently.. And that was meeting, and falling in love with Jarred. That was it.. It was because of that older boy. That was the reason for all these changes he was going through. But Luthen didn't regret those changes, no, he began to desire them. At the very back of his mind, he had wanted to return to how he was, but those thoughts, those desires were pushed and punished that they became almost nothing. It felt so strange, to have an almost nonexistent desire being fulfilled. And it was all thanks to the person he held so tightly, the person he would hate to ever let go.

He really didn't know where this newfound assurance had come from; but he was glad it had come forth. There was no way in hell that he would of been able to say or do everything that he was; it was against this new found concern for wanting the older boy to be happy. He had to be perfect, and doing so he had to take everything back and second guess everything he did. But with the words Jarred spoke, something changed in him. As he slowly drew closer to the other, every thought and insecurity faded into nothing. He felt his heart begin to pound as each breath brought him against the older boy. This closeness brought forth a more intense sense of intoxication; all he wanted, all he need was the person he griped tighter then any life-raft. The other boy's burning features just made Luthen want and desire him even more; W-what am I doing? that single thought managed to emerge. But it only a small, meaningless thought. His worries were already cast aside, this one question was just a tad late. If it had came early, the boy probably would have placed all his mind frame on it. But now it was being pushed away, for it was just, useless. He didn't know what happened, he was just so caught in the moment that before he could even tell what he was doing, his lips were already on the other's. His cheeks burned as he finally realized what he was doing. But he didn't pull away, or even try to end it. Eyelids lowered, closing his golden eyes as he felt the hand on his neck, brushing into his dark hair. Unlike the last time; Luthen could feel himself being drawn into the kiss, truly getting lost in it. It barely registered that he was being led farther into the room, away from the maple-stained doors. Not that there was any thoughts of leaving; if he could, he would gladly stay here forever. He followed after the older boy's lead, allowing his lips to work gently against the other's. This is so.. Perfect. his thoughts echoed softly, in an almost misty-like tone. Its like falling.. Sorta, but softer, more gentle-like.. Hmm.. Falling.. W-wait, I--we are falling?! Suddenly he felt the ground begin to escape him; eyes flew open to see the ceiling getting farther away. His grip around the other's neck tightened as his eyes shut tight; there had to be something that he could do, but his thought process had become foggy during the last few moments. We're falling.. falling. A flash of security went through him as Jarred's arm tightened around his waist. He knew he'd be safe, as long as he was with the other, he would always be safe..

[Aww, thanks Image <3 Oh noes, the wrath of the chair! I bet it moved and tripped J XD D'aww, Luthen just seems to keep getting cuter -huggles Luth-]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

Though his own self denied it, the buried, hidden, almost as if it were nonexistent altogether, truth was that as diligently as he told himself otherwise, as far as he let himself fall into a false truth demanding differently, he had always been unconsciously afraid to let anyone close to him. He'd been a bystander for too long to not see what relationships accomplished; a predator lulling it's hesitant victim into a false trust, making them believe that there's nothing to fear, that the unsuspecting party can confide in the other and rely on them, before ripping their heart out. He had lost everything he had, and had vowed to never let himself fall any further. So when the dark-haired devoto had entered his life, and he'd found himself succumbing to the undeniable feelings of devotion and security and love he felt towards the boy, he was unnerved. So terrified that he was in too deep to take back anything, that he'd have the tablecloth pulled out from under him like he'd witnessed too many times to not believe it wasn't the standard. Never in his life had he begged to be proven wrong as deeply as then. But Luthen had stayed, despite almost getting killed, despite having a promise stupidly broken, despite all the risks of being with the enemy. The boy could make him weaker and stronger at the same instant, could break down all his high-strung hotheadedness and replace it with considerate patience. He was learning more about himself than he'd known there was to learn, and he'd never invited change like he did now.

He was realizing that he truthfully, bordering literally, never wanted to let the younger boy go. Every moment he was with the other, it felt as thought time had stopped altogether and never seemed to last long enough at the same time. He could feel his heart beating violently at the small brush of contact between them as the younger boy had drawn closer against him, his thoughts bleeding together and his head beginning to spin at the sensation of his lips against the other's. As his hands parted from the boy's slim hips, he began to subconsciously realize that the younger boy felt different, the tentativeness from before seeming to dissolve into a bolder sureness that made it that much harder to remember to learn from his mistakes. It was like a switch had been flipped; with a few spoken words and a deep-seated regret on his part, the roles had seemed to shift. Now Luthen was the one who was so sure in every action, and he was the one treading carefully, perhaps not coming across quite as hesitant as the younger boy had, but second-guessing and worrying about his every move just as much. He was suddenly even more grateful for the boy's warm arms circling his neck, keeping them close despite their slow steps into the room. Everything but the feel of the younger boy seemed to fall around him, his every thought and perception spiraling onto solely the boy he held so tightly to. If he knew what I.. god, if he knew.. His nearly incoherent musing was torn apart as he was jolted back into reality,feeling himself become momentarily airborne, his breath seizing and his eyes flying open as he barely evaded somersaulting along with the younger boy. He could feel the other's arms tighten considerably, his loosened hold around Luthen's waist contracting reassuringly, as if to remind the boy he'd far from forgotten his promise. His shoulder clipped against a bolstered corner on the piece of furniture before the carpeted floor rushed towards him, a tensed arm able to catch him before he'd fallen directly on the younger boy. He was able to relatively avoid colliding into Luthen at all, although in a moment of unbalancedness he smacked into the other's side with a bent knee. Concern flooded his previously flushed and hazed features as he ignored any thoughts about himself, biting at his now thinly split lower lip. A-are you okay? his voice wasn't as quiet as it had been, his tone thick with worry, I'm.. I'm so sorry, I- it was just there and- and I was- He cast a glance towards the offending couch, his icy gaze skimming across the boy for any signs of their misadventure. Perhaps if he hadn't been so engrossed in his sudden concern for the boy, he would've thought to move from his current position. As it was, a straightened arm was still flung forward, the other still encircling Luthen's middle with a bent leg thrown towards the outside and his other having landed by the inside of the boy's knee after hitting the other's side, steadying what would have been a flattened fall.

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: rofl.. I think I'm on crack... sorryz. d'awwwwz Luth takes sweet to a whole 'nother level! <333 I loove him to no end! ^3^ Hahaha oh yes, the chair was out for him XD Lol J's such a weenie.. split a lip falling off a couch. Wow. Sad. lol.
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

He was untrusting, hardhearted, and cold at his very best; changed by drastic events that ended up leading to his demise. Sure he didn't die, in a literal sense that is, but on the inside he was long past dead. He couldn't get close, or else that person or creature would end up hurt, because of him. But it wasn't as if he could trust anyone, not after having his unwavering trust smashed to pieces. Those were the two laws he went by: Don't get close and never fully trust anyone. When he had stumbled across the Gang and joined up with them; Luthen didn't trust them, well, not fully. He didn't even bother to share his past with them, preferring to keep them all in the dark. But when he was deeply rooted in his ways, he appeared. That's when everything started to change, to shift. For some odd, unknown reason, the devoto was drawn to the older boy. And after a few moments in time, had come to trust, to fully trust Jarred. This went against everything he had laid down and he was glad. There is no better feeling then being able to put your full trust in someone and have no fear of that trust ever being taken advantage of. Or at least, that is what he believed; whether his trust would be shattered again was something he didn't want, nor desire to think about. Even if the other ended up betraying him, he didn't think he would ever be able to stop trusting the older boy.

Just by knowing what the older boy truly felt, and by knowing that the other didn't mind what he did; those small things were enough to change him, to give him something close to confidence. Though it really couldn't be called that, but a least he had lost the unsureness that had floated around him the last time. He was so lost, so deep into the moment that it barely registered how hesitant the other had become. It was nothing close to how he was, but still. He's.. Doing it for, for me? There hadn't been another person that had ever cared so much about him since the pack. It was so, unexpected, and yet he was so happy. Don't worry, please.. despite being happy; Luthen sorta didn't like it. The boy just didn't like the idea of another worrying about him, he'd be fine, more or less. The room, the manor, the town, the earth; they had all faded away, it was just the older boy and him. If he had been paying attention, or if he wasn't so lost in the wonderful moment; he probably would of sensed the on coming couch. But everything is so much clearer in hindsight.. A wolf always has some fear of falling, sure they can right themselves somewhat, sometimes, but the fear is still there. Only the most agile wolves can land perfectly on their paws without any injury. Most will half way, or almost fully right themselves; which results range from a few bruises to a few broken bones. As they started to fall, the boy was unaware of his arms tightening around the other's neck; his body was tense, to say the very least. He justed wanted it to be over with. His teeth clenched as he finally met up with the carpeted floor; it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would, but that was thanks to Jarred. He winced in pain as the older boy's knee smacked into his wounded side; Dammit, why won't that heal already? he thought as a small whimper escaped him. "A-are you okay?" Slowly his eyes opened and he found himself looking up at the other boy. Concern was written all over the bodyguard's features; H-he's really worried about me. His body finally began to relax; he felt safe how he was, with the other's arm securely wrapped around his middle. "Its okay. Its okay," he said quietly, loosening his arms slightly. "I'm fine and its all thanks to you," he tired to ignore the dull, throbbing pain of his injured side and he hoped that the other wouldn't notice it. "But what about you?" concern flooded his features, he hoped like anything that this person was not hurt. His eyes widened slightly as he noticed the older boy's lower lip, now concern was met with fear. Tentatively he unwrapped an arm and he placed his hand against the other's cheek; "P-please tell me you're not hurt.." he whispered, the concern starting to take hold over his voice. He didn't even pay any mind to how the two of them were positioned; not that he would of moved anyway.

[O.o wow I didn't know you could right good posts on crack, lol X3 Aww, poor Jarred. Does he need a hug from Luthen? <3 (I think I would seriously kill to meet a guy like Luth XD) Oh yeah.. So what was J going to think before the couch so rudely interrupted him? XD I be curious.]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

It was always darker before the dawn. Or something like that, at least. He wasn't the proverbial type by any extent, nor could any point of view shed him in a pensively wise light and not be misleading. Wise-ass could be applied, however. But the adage, now largely deemed frivolous fortune cookie material after it had been passed through the centuries, seemed at least minutely true to the recent events of his life. Things could have always been worse, but against the spectrum it seemed true that he had been so close to the bottom, so near the pitting end of his downward spiral. Although he looked the part, his personality alone was almost enough to betray his facade; it was a part of human nature that, however cruel or vicious they might be, there was always at least a thin sliver of compassion, that tiny spark of kindness that made them what they were. He had extinguished that small glimmer in himself, and it was only when he'd sunk into this state of being that he was cast his lifeline. He didn't know where it had all changed, that sudden break from enmity to empathy, only that there wasn't a single thing that could ever show the younger boy just what the other had done for him. It was the first time he could say he wanted to change, to be everything and anything for the boy he held so tightly to.

His breaths had quickly become shallow and rapid, most likely from a mixture of the sparse amounts of oxygen he'd previously received and a mild jolt of shock from the unanticipated fall, finding it difficult to swallow as his icy eyes worriedly skimmed the younger boy beneath him. It was just off the couch.. nothing else.. we didn't even hit the table.. n-no big deal.. he tried to reassure himself, his mind automatically jumping to the worst. The younger boy's words washed quietly against him, a heavy sigh of relief shifting him forward subtly as a ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. I'm sorry, he managed in a barely audible whisper, his mouth barely opening to add onto his statement when the boy's voice won out. He could feel his heart begin to hammer once again, the deep concern enveloping the younger boy's features filling him with a sense of slight guilt, but at the same time an odd warmth. He'd never had someone look at him like that before, never had anyone care as much about him as the boy did. It was another thing that made him love the boy that much more, made it even more important to try to be so perfect for the younger boy. He slid his straightened arm towards him slightly, the arm still settled around the other's middle almost unwillingly sliding from where it rested, rising as the back of his hand quickly swiped across his lip. He ignored the crimson line that had appeared against the slope of thumb, his cheek burning at the feel of the boy's warm hand against the side of his face as he reassuringly covered the other's with his own, subtly leaning into the comforting pressure. I'm not hurt at all, his voice was quiet enough to match the younger boy's, Don't worry about me, I'm fine. His small smile widened slowly before disappearing altogether, his icy gaze leaving the boy's to focus on the other's side. But you're not. Even amidst the confusion of their fall, he hadn't been able to miss the boy's quiet sound as his knee barreled against the other, the way Luthen cringed against the pressure. The boy was a good actor, but he couldn't convince him. His hand moved from the younger boy's, pushing the fabric of the boy's shirt away as his calloused fingertips brushed across a black and blue-ringed wound, his breath catching in his throat as he chewed at the inside of his cheek. Did.. did I do that? The idea alone hit him like a bullet. Luth, I'm.. I didn't want to hurt you..

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: ^^ awz thanks so much! You're too kind about my posts lol. Rofl when doesn't he need a hug from Luth? XD (a Luth-hug a day keeps the gloomies away haha!) Omg if I met a guy like Luth for realz I'd melt into a joy puddle right then and there lolol. Olawl it was just kinda a "if he knew what I was thinking, he'd probably kill me" sorta thing that J had going on X3. He tries so hard to be mr. niceypants for Luth, but he's him and certain thoughts involving them are... improper.. Ffff-cough-horndog-cough- XD
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

Never before was he every so broken and so dense as he was while within the gang. He had created the perfect facade; no one could tell of the pain he hid, nor the evil thoughts that constantly taunted him. And he liked it that way. No one ever had to know about the darkness that continued to chase after him, even while he slept, the nightmares were still there. But not even his 'perfect' facade was completely bullet proof; that was why he kept his distance from the gang, getting close was like death, only much worse. He knew what the weakness to his act was, so he avoided close contact at all costs. Luthen came off as cold and aloof, and that was just what he wanted.. At the time. But somehow all that changed, his mask was shattered and his true self was shone. He was long past broken by that point and there was no one he ever thought would be willing to put him back together. Yet he was become fixed, he was becoming how he once was; chancing, no, returning is more like it. And it was all because of the one person he never wanted to let go of, the one person he loved.

He hated how the other kept apologizing; it was just an accident, its not like the older boy planed for this to happen or anything like that. So why was he placing so much blame upon himself? Luthen sure didn't know why, but he truly wished the other would just stop with all the sorries; it made him feel somewhat uncomfortable. The devoto was able to take on anything and not have it effect him, but the knowledge that the older boy could of been hurt, it hit him worse then a punch to the gut. He had to force himself to breath as he waited for Jarred's answer; I-if he's hurt.. Oh god.. He almost wanted to stop that reassuring arm from leaving his middle, that was the one thing that was keeping him from complete fear-induced panic. His cheeks flushed as the older boy placed his hands against them, finally his panicked heart started to settle. Slowly he let out a shaky breath; "I'm so glad you're not hurt." the relief was easily present in his voice. Thank the.. his thought dropped off; he really didn't know who to thank, he didn't have anyone or anything that he had ever worshiped or thought of as a higher power. He returned the older boy's smile with one of his own, but it quickly faded along with the others; "But you're not." Those three words froze him; N-no, stop! the thoughts screamed, begging for the devoto to move, to stop Jarred from seeing the wound. But he couldn't move, he couldn't do anything, he was locked how he was, his body beyond tense. Don't look, oh for god's sake, forget about it! his mind screamed as the ringed wound was revealed. There was nothing he could do to stop his body from cringing as that soft touch brushed across the unhealed injury. "Its.. Its fine. T-this is an old injury. Its.. Its not from.. you," his voice was shaky and dropped to just a above a whisper near the end. His golden gaze shifted till it was looking past the older boy, he had lied about that last part; the other boy had caused this wound, but that was when they had first met; not that the other had to know that. Absent mindlessly he began to stroke the older boy's cheek with a thumb, it gave him slight comfort from the fact that he had just openly lied to the other. "S-so just don't worry about it.. Okay?" he couldn't bring himself to look at the older boy as guilt started to trickle through him.

[I'm so sorry about this. I blame the cake >.<" Lol, I think I'd scare away the Luth-like person. I'd be like "Omg! -fangirlscream-" XD Huhur, I kinda was thinking that was what J was thinking.. But I wanted to ask and be sure ^-^;]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

He had been protective of things before, but never had he gone to the extremes he took with the younger boy. It was a deep-seated fear, almost a paranoia, that something, anything, would happen to the boy he loved more than life itself. For nearly twenty one years he'd let himself become as callous and indifferent as a single individual possibly could, turning an uncaring eye on even the situations that were completely his doing. He had simply never cared. He would maim a person beyond recognition, leave them writhing in pain and begging for an end as he had so many times, and never bat an eye. He'd always been fueled by the feel of triumph, feeding off the feel of tearing flesh and splintering bones, living for that single moment when he could almost visibly see his opponent's will break. But then he'd found Luthen. And he'd begun to change around the younger boy, becoming the things he never thought he could even achieve. He was protective, maybe overprotective at times, of the younger boy in more ways and in a much deeper way than he'd ever been before. The thought alone of anyone, or anything, hurting the devoto in any way hit him like a kick in the stomach. He had made a concrete promise to protect the boy, his consciousness automatically finding a way that each and every injury the younger boy received was somehow his fault. It was always I should've tried harder. It was always due to some fault of his own, at least to him.

Even if he had been hurt, which, besides the small split on his lip, he wasn't, he wouldn't have shown it. He wouldn't have cared on bit if he'd come out of the plunge with one arm; as long as the younger boy had come out of the fall relatively safely. As long as the dark-haired boy was safe. You don't need to worry about me, it takes more than a couch to take me down, he assured the boy, attempting a teasing tone despite his uneasiness. He loved the warm feeling of the other's hand against the side of his face, an affectionate smile only slightly alighting on his features as he focused on the boy's flushed face, trying, if only for a few seconds, to push his worries out of the spotlight as the younger boy's unsteady voice washed against him. It was only a few words, but they wrapped him in a comfort he could only half accept at the moment, unable to believe Luthen's assurances, that the boy was really as fine as the other said. He could feel the younger boy's body tense vehemently against his touch, his heart stopping cold in his chest as the irritated injury gashing across the other's side was revealed. G-god, if this was me.. He prayed it wasn't him, that he hadn't been the one to wound the one person he loved like that, but somehow he knew it probably was. He wasn't an expert by any standards, but after inflicting enough blows to last a lifetime and back, he was fairly accurate when spotting his own work. His hand quickly flew from the boy's side, recoiling faster than if he'd touched a hot stovetop as the other cringed against the faint brush of his fingers across the injury, his features reflecting deep anxiety and guilt as he ground his teeth worriedly, his head subtly beginning to slowly shake from side to side as the younger boy's shaky voice filled the silent space of the room, his gaze never leaving the boy's side, afraid that the other would see the uncommon glassiness welling in his icy eyes. Not old enough.. I- I did do it.. oh god, I did, didn't I? N-no, nono.. He didn't want to be proven right, wishing there were some way to inexplicably change what seemed the obvious answer. B-but.. It was me.. Even it it wasn't me, I should've done more. I should've stopped it from happening. His own voice had become slightly shaky towards the end, his eyes half closing in response to the feel of the boy's thumb against his cheek. The hand still hanging unsurely in midair after jumping from the boy's side now found the younger boy's arm, fingers closing softly around the point just below the other's wrist. He didn't answer Luthen's tentative order right away, a silent sigh escaping him before he placed a contrite kiss against the boy's forehead. You know I can't, Luth.. Okay, he murmured against the younger boy, only drawing back far enough to glance back at the wound. It still hurts that bad..? He didn't really want to know the answer, but the question had escaped him before he'd thought. You shouldn't just leave it like that.. it'll get worse. He bit at his reddened lip, unable to meet the boy's gaze no matter how vehemently he tried I'm.. I'm so sorry, about everything. I couldn't even k-keep my promise..

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: Awwz I loved your post! Poor Luth, he needs a band-aid XD Hahaha I'd probably glomp the poor Luth-alike to death rofl. Ffff I shouldn't write so late at night.. You can stone me if you feel the need lol. J has "sorry" vomit urhur..
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

His wants and desires were always pushed away, made meaningless in the face of another that he cared about. In his unhealthy need to protect the ones he held close, Luthen would always take the blame, even at times taking a blow for another. There was never a time when he wasn't injured to some extent, but only a few of his pack knew this. He always played it off that: "it only grazed me," " its only a scratch," "its nothing big." He had become an expert at hiding his ailments from others; he walked perfectly on a sprained wrist, never even slowed down with a bruised rip cage, or even break a sweat at a nearly fatal injury. As he was trying to do now with the older boy. His wound wasn't that big of a deal, or that was how he played it off, like he had always done. For he was always the last to be worried about, or at least, that was how he made it. Everyone always came before him, even if he was cut open and bleeding his life out, he would do everything for another and ignore it. Always he was unaware of how often death had knocked at his door and one time, he was going to open it.

It felt so strange to be this concerned about anyone; sure he was protective of the gang, but that was because they represented a pack to him, and that was a duty for him, to protect. But he hadn't been like how he was now since, since his pack. Those few years felt like centuries now to him, but it really was just a few years. The other's reassuring words helped ease away the concern and quieted his racing heart. The older boy was fine, and Luthen was so glad of that. But his heart only calmed for awhile before beginning to race again, induced to almost panic-attack state as his side wound was uncovered. With all his soul he wished he didn't cringe against the other's touch, but he just couldn't; the injury burned and throbbed, made raw again by the sudden impact of the other's knee. If only he had been more convincing with his response, then the other wouldn't be blaming himself so much. That slow trickle of guilt quickly become a torrent as the shaky words came to him; But you couldn't of stopped it! You caused it, but I don't blame you.. I don't.. I don't.. his thoughts yelled, dropping in volume until they were just an echo. That reassuring hold near his wrist pulled him out of his thoughts, bringing him to finally face Jarred. Even in his panic-guilt-ridden state, that simple kiss was enough to clear away his thoughts and make his cheeks slightly glow crimson. The older boy's agreement was just what he needed, for that one word was enough to almost make him faint with relief. Good.. Now maybe he'll just forget about it, he thought as his eyes closed. This over stress wasn't good for his body, but it would just have to learn to deal with it. As Jarred's inquiry shattered the silence, his eyes flew open; I-I thought we were done with that! He listened with disbelief as the other still went on about his stupid injury, sure it was bad, so what, he didn't care. But the thing that broke him was that guilt redden, final statement; "Fuck the damn promise!" he snarled, ripping his wrist from the older boy's hold. He didn't mean to sound so harsh, but he just couldn't take it anymore, the way this person kept apologizing to him. He hated it. "I don't need you protecting me, I can do fine by myself. And stop with all the damn apologies, yes, you gave me the freakin' wound. But that was when we first met and fought. We didn't know it would turn out like this, so you can't go blaming yourself. Both arms where now folded across his chest as he continued with his misplaced rage; in truth, he was angry with himself, not Jarred. "I don't need promises, all I need is to know that you love me, nothing more. That's all I'll ever need." Suddenly his body stiffened, what the hell did he just say? Luthen had done it again, he let his thoughts become words and in turn they just split out. His face flushed cherry red, and then he covered it with both hands; what had he just done?! He let his temper get out of hand and then he let his thoughts become words. "I'm s-sorry.. I'm so sorry." the words mumbled from behind his hands; there was no way he could ever leave this position.

[Lol, I think we'd both scar the Luth-alike for life X3 Your post was fine; strangely I write best when its late.. Well, most of the time ^-^ Oh my, some of my original Luth has shone up. Lol, though it didn't last for too long XD]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

He had said his share of I'm sorries in the past, but none had ever been sincere. They were always tinged with malevolence or bitingly sarcastic; spat out more to hurt than help, just another weapon in his arsenal. 'Sorry' was like a calling card for fidelity and affection, neither of which were anything he thought he'd ever feel, or even want to. He'd thought for so long that he was simply made without the ability to harbor those types of feelings, that he was the way he was and that was the end of it. So when he'd been turned completely upside down, given a chance to realize he was capable of devotion and patience and everything he felt for the dark-haired boy, when he'd begun to break from everything he'd built and begin to change, it was all so sudden that he wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. Like suddenly blasting open an age-old dam, all these things he'd never suspected he could be were suddenly rushing to the surface. Twenty one years worth of concern and attachment and protectiveness and guilt were heaped onto him over a short span of only a few days. Even when he knew he should stop, when it would be better to let things go or accept he'd done what he could, he would find that somehow, he never could. He'd never felt so strongly or so deeply for anything or anyone in his life, and deep down he was still dead scared that something would happen.

Even as worried and guilty as he felt, the faint glow of crimson spreading across the other's features was able to somehow ease a bit of his regret. All the little things the boy did, the smallest touch or even just a few spoken words, the details that most people would probably overlook altogether, meant the world to him. But at that moment, the comfort of his fingers wrapped softly around the younger boy's arm, the warmth of the other's hand against the side of his face, were dimmed by the concern and guilt suddenly rising past critical levels, extinguishing whatever part of him made it possible to just not worry like the boy had told him to. I .. He knew he should've stopped after "okay", that continuing on after the younger boy had so clearly told him he should stop worrying was probably overkill. I just.. Luth, you're the one person I never want to hurt or let down. I'm so sor- His head shot up as the younger boy jerked away from his light hold, his icy gaze flitting quickly to the boy's livid features as scathing words bitterly burned against his ears. The last time he'd heard the other's voice like this was in the alley, when they'd been at each other's throats like the monsters they were. He quickly sat up, his icy gaze remaining on the boy's as his hands slid upward to rest against his thighs, bending his legs on either side of the younger boy and in almost the same instant rocking his weight back in one fluid motion. His features didn't fall even more regretfully than they'd already been, but instead seemed to almost harden, guilt still reflected in his blue gaze but beginning to dim against the onslaught of the younger boy's vehement tone. I know you don't need me to protect your or shit, but I'm gonna! His own voice had risen as reflex won over rationality, his remarkably small fuse undesirably sparked and causing his words to overlap the boy's as he yelled back. It might not have sounded quite so confrontational if the younger boy understood that he wasn't mad at Luthen, that it was merely a reaction, like the way most people would double over when punched in the gut; they didn't plan it, they were never taught that's how it was done, it was just how they were wired. Because I can't help it! Because I care about you more than any goddamn thing and I'm scared you won't be fine by yourself one of these times! His hands had flattened against his thighs, his palms digging against his jeans as his lips pressed together, no further sounds leaving him as the other's final statement brought his outburst to a screeching halt. He could see the younger boy visibly stiffen beneath him, the anger quickly dissipating as the other's deeply flushed features were hidden behind the boy's hands. Luthen's voice seemed even quieter than usual when the boy mumbled an apology; No, you're right, his voice had returned to about the same volume as it'd been before his small explosion, a subtle tinge of tightness still audible in his otherwise quiet tone. I need to back off. All this stuff happened that I've never dealt with before, and I let it get away from me. He brought his leg over the boy's body, collapsing onto his back beside Luthen and letting his gaze focus absently on the fan overhead for a few minutes before rolling onto his side, propping his elbow against the carpet and leaning against his palm as his other hand settled across the side of the boy's face, half of it obscured by the other's hands. But I hope you know that I do love you, so much it's crazy. And there's no way that'll ever change.. Just so you know..

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: Hahaha indeedy! XD Wowz, lucky you! But you always write like a superstar, so it's hard to tell when you're better lol. Woahz, go Luth! Tell that pansy what's what rofl. I joined the bandwagon haha.. couldn't resist a little glimpse of regular J there hurhur. They don't seem to good at staying cross with each other x3

[Luthen]

Even as a pup, he hated hearing other's apologizing to him; he didn't know why or how come, all he knew was that he hated it. The reason had always eluded him whenever he had tried to find it, and it would probably always elude him. It was just programed into his personality, one could say. And strangely enough, his whole behavior was focused around that one hate. Taking the blame for everything, that way no one ever thought they had done wrong. He would take the death penalty if it kept someone he was close to from saying "I'm sorry." But no matter how much Luthen hated when the ones he cared about apologized, he loathed it when the older boy did it. This one person was his most important person and the devoto couldn't have him spewing out sorries all the time. It would just end up ripping him apart on the inside. It just made guilt flow through him like a torrent of water; he blamed himself for the other apologizing. There was no reason for this, no logical explanation that could of been made. But Luthen wasn't normal to say the least. The way his mind had developed and responded to things was far different then a wolf or human, or anything in-between.

He just. Could not. Take it. The guilt that radiated off of the older boy, it was killing him. He knew it wasn't wise, but he just couldn't hold it in anymore. His temper had always been a down fall for him, yet it had never gone off like this. There was no reason for it to have gone off; Luthen wasn't mad at the other boy, no, not one bit. But right now he was loathing himself for not trying harder to make the other see that he had no reason to be sorry. The expression shone on Jarred's face ripped through him as his harsh words rang out. He never meant for his words to be so sharp, he was just so.. A low growl echoed from him as his words were overlapped by the other's. This tension, it reminded him of when they had first met, bringing back the taste of the other's blood. The boy had long tried to forget this taste, for it always brought with it a wave of guilt. The other's spoken words just fed fuel to his misplaced rage, but that quickly sputtered out with his own words. Dammit, not again, his thoughts moaned as he could feel his face beginning to burn and out of desperation he flung his hands over his face. Why did he always do this? Let his thoughts fly out as if they were meant to be spoken; which as sure as hell they weren't suppose to be. Why do I always do this around him?! And, and what will he think after I.. I snarled at him. I was fully ready to draw my fangs. Oh god, what the hell is-- his ranting thoughts were just off as the older boy's quiet voice filtered to him. No.. No I'm not, he thought shaking his head slightly; still afraid to remove his hands. He felt the small vibration as Jarred plopped next to him; it was taking all his strength not to inch closer to him. The silence, or near silence of the room as the rain continued to fall out side; it was enough to calm the devoto. He just let his thoughts drift to a forest with the full moon's light filtering through the trees; seeing the natural scene helped calm him even more. Luthen wished he could flick and turn his ears like he could in his other form and find out what the other was doing, but humans are just so.. primal. He jumped slightly as the hand rested partially on the side of his face; his retreating blush rising up again as those wonderful words came to him. But he still couldn't unlock his panic-induced shielding or at least not for a few more minutes. After a deep breath, he slid his hands off of his face and placed them at his side. Now what was he suppose to do? Well, he sure didn't know. "I'm.. I'm just not use to it," he said softly, watching the blades of the ceiling fan. "I'm really sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it.. Its just that, well.." he paused and rolled over onto his stomach, unintentionally bringing himself closer to the older boy. "Its been awhile since anyone has cared about me this much, and well.." he folded his arm and rested his chin on them, contemplating how to explain what he wanted to. For even Luthen didn't understand it. "I just hate it when the ones I care about apologize, I don't know why, I just do. I wish I knew why, but I don't.. T-that's why I yelled at you, it was just ripping me apart to hear you keep saying 'sorry.'" he grew silent and listened to the older boy's heart beat, after awhile he matched his own to that, which brought a small smile to his face. "I'm scared though, that I'll end up doing something that will make you hate me.. Make you not love me.." his voice was just a whisper, the only thing that kept him from showing how much this fear effected him was how much concentration he was placing into keeping his heart beat matching Jarred's.

[Aww, you're too nice -hugs- <3 Lol, you're right, the hate just doesn't last more then a few minutes; if only it was like that for all relationships X3 Aww, Luth's getting all... Something. Rofl, I forgots the word -fail- XD]
Icons;©LJ

[jarred antonelli]

And show me where you run to

He'd always loved a fight. It wasn't the thrill of the win or anything like that; after about the hundredth time he'd overpowered his opponent, continuing his unbroken winning streak, easy fights weren't worth it, boring even, and the feel of the others' breaking resolves, that moment they gave up the ghost and set aside their last shred of pride that had kept them from groveling like they always ended up doing, lost it's exhilaration. What always intrigued him, what drew him undeniably towards the clash every single time, he'd never really known. He'd think he did, believing it was the struggle, the power of his and his opponent's every quick movement or perhaps the rush of adrenaline, something that seemed like such a clear answer but was never quite enough of a reason. The 'sport' was well-suited to him, there was no doubting that his natural skill and darkened mindset, combined with his deep-seated enmity toward practically everything and his hot-headed, quick-to-ignite temper, gave him that edge that made him more skilled than most could feel safe about. But he'd never had anything he was fighting for. Not even for himself; only in three instances had he ever been knocked down a peg, but otherwise there was never any jeopardization of his life. Then he'd met Luthen, and suddenly he had found a reason.

The last time he'd let his temper get the best of him was the day he'd met the other boy, skewing and slitting and ripping at the very person he'd kill himself a million times over if he were to hurt them now. He'd had no real reason to respond so coldly, to tense up and feel that familiar hazy film of uncontrolled ire begin to overtake him like it had so many times before. He didn't feel the short nails that had begun to dig into his jeans, only vaguely registered the way his hand had begun to curl into a tightening fist in an unconscious response to the younger boy's low growl, his jaw set dangerously in between each loud word he spat icily at the boy beneath him. It was reflex to strike out with anger, fighting fire with fire as he had for so many years. But as the boy's final words hit him full force, his reaction dissipated as quickly as it'd been sparked. Almost immediately, he hated himself for letting his hot-headedness go unchecked, lashing out at the one person he wanted so much to be there for. I.. I was seriously gonna hit him, wasn't I? What the hell was I thinking? He swallowed the apology rising towards the surface, obliging the younger boy's order like the obedient dog he would never really be. I wasn't.. I was right back in that damn alley.. Fear began to run through him as he exhaled against his impact on the soft floor; what if Luthen hadn't said what he'd said? What if it hadn't stopped? He felt his nerves calming as his hand rested softly against the boy's cheek, a small smile creeping across his features as he felt the other jump at his touch. He let the room fall silent, his soft words dissolving as his icy gaze lingered over the younger boy's obscured features, the slightest hints of flushed, flawless skin peeking out from under Luthen's clamped-down hands before he felt the other move, letting his hand slide back towards him as the boy's words broke the stretch of quiet. Don't apologize.. I was so stupid, it should be me saying sorry.. He could feel his heart beating harder as the boy rolled onto his stomach, bringing himself close enough to the bodyguard that Jarred could feel the warmth radiating from the other. I never meant to hurt you in any way.. I'm glad you told me. I'll try to be better, I swear. I just.. I feel so guilty, like it's all my fault. His idle hand had begun to move across the boy's back, fingertips gliding lightly over the dips and curves, traveling over the other's sides and tracing the long scar hidden beneath Luthen's navy blue shirt as the other boy continued. "Make you not love me.." He chuckled in response to the boy's confession, a small sound rising in his throat as he leaned further towards Luthen and barely touched his lips to the curve where shoulder met neck. Luth, you could break me down in every possible way, you could find a way and kill me, whatever you could throw at me, and I'd never be able to stop loving you, he murmured against the boy's warm skin, lingering, Nothing could make me hate you. Burn me out a thousand times and I'll never move from where I am now. His features were on fire, stained a deep crimson at the utter sincerity in his quietly affectionate voice.

when no one's left to take your side.

For: Kai's Luthen <3
Notes: Lolz omg I so wish all relationships were like that! <3 But noooes.. >_>" Awwwz, don't be scared Luth! -hugs- Teehee, he's so sweet he gives me cavities XD Rofl J.. wut. Such an incognito pedo lol jkjk! (hee that rhymed! XD)
Images©LJ

[Luthen]

He was raised as wolf, truly thinking that's what he was. Even knowing now that he isn't even close to a true wolf, the values he had as one had not changed. And the things a wolf valued the most was their pride, freedom, and the knowledge that no one would ever be able to tame them. Luthen fully voiced his dislikes of anything that would let others get the idea that he was just some damn dog; trained and fully obedient. He was not that. He wasn't even close to anything that could even be called 'tame' or 'domesticated.' This was enforced by his lack of knowledge of the human world, so to speak. He would often walk around with blood splattered across his chest from his last kill, smirking at the reactions of the human race. There was nothing wrong with blood, it always made the meal tastier. Another point of his wildness was the fact that he never took handouts, so to say. He would always hunt, and if he couldn't, he'd go hungry. And the thing he hated the most was when another tried to touch him on the head; he wasn't a dog, and there was no way in hell he was going to act like one.. Or at least, he thought. Now he craved that simple touch, not from anyone, just that from one person.. The only person in the world that could stroke him and not have the threat of losing a hand.

His heart skipped a few beats when he realized how close that simple shift in position had brought him to the older boy. But he didn't dare move away, he loved being this close, no, he was beginning to crave it. After spending years pushing everyone away; now all he wanted was to get close, closer. For once he didn't hide anything, he just said the things that plagued him and trusted that the older boy would somehow understand the unfix-able glitches in his personality. Why am I like this? Why do I hate it so much when he apologizes? The other's words put a bit of ease to the worries that had been built up and shoved to the back of his mind. But they were still there, no matter what he wanted, the thoughts would always be there to place doubt in himself and the knowledge that the bodyguard would always love him. Please don't feel guiltily, its not your fault, that's what he wanted to say, but he just lent them stay thoughts. "Thank you.. But every little thing isn't your fault, please try and remember that. Everyone makes mistakes," he said quietly before continuing with his fixated worries. His cheeks reddened slightly as he felt that gentle touch along his back and once again he was glad he was in this form. But would it really be bad if this person saw how much the small things like this effected the devoto? One day he would show it to the other, just not today. Luthen hated how much he worried about losing the older boy's love; no, he didn't worry about it, he feared it, just the very thought brought him over the edge and down into the abyss. He let his eyes close as his body relaxed under the other's touch; If only I could tell him how much I loved him.. But what words would be enough to explain it? I don't think there are any.. His thoughts faded out as the older boy leaned toward him; he shivered slightly as he felt the other's lips brush against him. "I'd never be able to stop loving you," His golden eyes opened; it was taking everything he had to stop his heart from failing, did the other boy really just say all that? Is.. Is this really.. Real? This couldn't be just a dream, could it? He bit the corner of his thumb until he tasted blood.. This was real. "Y-you don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say t-that, his voice was just above a whisper, that being all he could managed at the moment. The older boy's spoken words were true, he knew it was so by the warmth coming from Jarred's features. Slowly the boy moved even closer to the other until he was brushing up against the older boy. "I love you.. I love you so, so much," his own features started to burn, he had put his whole heart into those few words, hoping that they would be enough. I don't think I'll ever be able to spend another night alone..

Icons;©LJ